Customer's Got Talent

America's Got Talent? Hell, no! Customer's Got Talent! Seriously, customers can do it all: Bitch. Praise. Complain. Eat. Criticize. Argue. Drink. And, make funny sounds.

The other night, I had a couple sitting in my section and they were celebrating the man's birthday. I got roped into the usual conversation about "what else do you do besides wait tables?" And I know, you never know who knows whom in this town, so I try to be nice when answering the question, but when I tell people that I'm a stand-up comedian, it just opens the door to people saying they have always wanted to try stand-up, and has them trying out jokes and random material on me, and it usually leaves me just staring at them.

Well, the man decided to tell me that he's getting back into acting. Specifically because he's very good at making certain sounds. To be honest, not something I hear everyday. And, I'm also good at making certain sounds. Especially after eating from a Taco Truck.

"I can sound like a chicken, a duck, a fire engine, a pigeon, and like an airplane landing," he boasted.

"I don't think a lot of people can do an airplane landing," I added. "Taking off, and flying. But not landing. So you're trying to get into voice-overs?"

"No. Regular acting with those sounds. I do the sounds on my wife all the time--"

"--he does," she interrupted. "All the time."

"You're very talented, sir. Have you decided what you'd like to eat?"

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of 1? Your table is ready."

ITUNES
STITCHER
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!

Comments

You Got Yelp!!!

What better way to get through the work week than to pick on the people who's parents truly should have considered contraceptives before having sex, the people who write negative reviews on Yelp.com. As always, I have found someone who embodies the spirit of "douchebaggery." Who alone, stands to make a mark on the world because he is THAT important. (And by mark, I mean skid mark.) Scott B., from Beverly Hills, CA makes the list. His review is short, direct, and abrupt, because he's "got places to go people!" Here's what Scott had to say about one restaurant in Los Angeles: "If you have an unlimited amount of time and an equally unlimited amount of patience, than this place might be worth it." It's nice to see that Scott was stepping out of his box to test himself on this theory. "If I ever indeed got serviced within the time frame I had to eat, I might chance the food again!" Since Scott is obviously an alien, h

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done. Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money. WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian. But I adore this building. So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com . One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers. And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent? So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet. And so on, and so on... Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out. There are ways t

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant. Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10. SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round. This table's too brown. This table's just right." You are not buying real estate. So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous. The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses. And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a

The Bitter Bistro

Search This Blog