Thursday, June 28, 2012

Goo Goo Validation


Celebrities can be both a pain and interesting at the same time.

One day, lead singer of the Goo Goo Dolls, John Rzeznik, was sitting in my section.  He was pretty normal, (for a rocker,) but then he and his friend ask for the bill, I processed their payment, and then I went to validate he and his friends' parking tickets.  I stamped both of their tickets, then...

"Oh, you don't need to stamp my parking ticket.  I'm staying in the hotel."  John said.

"Sorry about that."  I replied.  "Just wanted to make sure everybody gets validated."

"How about stamping my hand."  He asked with a straight face.

"Really?"

"Yeah."  Then he stuck his hand out for  me to stamp.

"Why?"  I didn't even hide the "are you fucking kidding me look" on my face.

"Because it's pretty.  And I like stamps."  He admitted.

So I stamped his hand with a red star.

"There you go.  And your hand will get five dollars off wherever you go."

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Ain't no summer like a Euro summer



Once again it's time for everybody's favorite time of year...

When restaurants and bars are filled with tan lines, accents, and the absence of gratuities.  Beaches are showered with both men AND women wearing bikinis without the tops, and exposing hair that most people would consider to be offensive.

It could only mean one thing, it's Euro Summer!

From UCLA Summer School, to the Hollywood Walk of Fame, to baking on the beach, summertime is the time for the European crowd to come to Southern California to soak up the sun, nightlife, and to experience the what we have all come to enjoy from this great area.

The one thing that is missing, is the server's ability to make money off of this group of people.  When the customs agent stamps their passports, they should also make them sit through a class on how to tip in America.  Unfortunately, restaurant checks do not have an automatic gratuity added to them.  Unless it is a large party, of course.  And I am in no way trying to discourage Europeans from dining out while they are here.  But rather, trying to educate them on the proper way to express their thanks to their servers for a job well done.  TIP!

And I'm not talking about tossing a few bucks on the table and calling it a tip.  We are talking 18 to 20 percent of the TOTAL BILL.  Anybody who does less is stuck in the 80's, listening to "Flock of Seagulls," and believes that servers don't declare their tips to the IRS.

And don't get me wrong, it's not just Europeans.  Australians, Japanese, and South Americans also fit into this "what-may-seem-like-a-racist-blog" category.

Then everybody will be happy and have a good time.  And now we can move on to other pressing, important things, like, body odor and hairy backs.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro


Friday, June 1, 2012

Orange you glad I didn't say "Orange?"


It doesn't get much better than this!  For the first time, I introduce to you, a phobia that has limited a customers diet:  A FEAR OF THE COLOR ORANGE.  (The sign above is an actual sign posted about a hotel guest.)  No, not just an aversion to oranges, or carrots, or bell peppers, but a fear of the actual color orange!  I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that Halloween is NOT his favorite holiday.  How the hell does this weirdo even go outside.  Last time I checked, the Sun has hues of the color orange.

I've got a joke for this guy...

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Orange.

ARGH!  NO!!!  (Guy gets into his car and speeds away.)

I guess he can't take a joke.  BTW... my favorite part about the above sign, that it's orange!

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro