Wednesday, August 29, 2012

You Got Yelp!!!


What better way to get through the work week than to pick on the people who's parents truly should have considered contraceptives before having sex, the people who write negative reviews on Yelp.com.

As always, I have found someone who embodies the spirit of "douchebaggery."  Who alone, stands to make a mark on the world because he is THAT important.  (And by mark, I mean skid mark.)

Scott B., from Beverly Hills, CA makes the list.  His review is short, direct, and abrupt, because he's "got places to go people!"  Here's what Scott had to say about one restaurant in Los Angeles:

"If you have an unlimited amount of time and an equally unlimited amount of patience, than this place might be worth it."  It's nice to see that Scott was stepping out of his box to test himself on this theory.

"If I ever indeed got serviced within the time frame I had to eat, I might chance the food again!"  Since Scott is obviously an alien, he is only allowed to eat between certain portals of time everyday.  If that portal closes, he's screwed!  I felt bad for Scott's next appointment.

Scott, on behalf of planet Earth, I would like to say, YOU ARE NOT IMPORTANT!!!  If you are that much in a hurry, go to Taco Bell.  That is why Taco Bell was created by the universe, for people like you.  "TACO BELL--When you're in a hurry for the food to go in, and out."

Scott B., from Beverly Hills, CA, YOU GOT YELPED!!!

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Friday, August 17, 2012

A Mountain of Pink for the Middle East


It seems that LA restaurants like to follow certain trends.  Whether it's organic food, comfort food, or celebrity chefs, if it's the thing to do, LA will do it.

The newest trend that a lot of restaurants are doing is having Cotton Candy on their dessert menu.  One of the restaurants that I worked for had a machine in the pastry kitchen.  You would not believe the way people would act when I would bring cotton candy to their table.  And I'm not talking about the kids, I'm talking about the adults.  Or at least I thought they were adults.

"OMG!!!  Is that Cotton Candy?"  One woman shrieked.

"Yes."  I said.  I try to remain as neutral as possible.  Honestly, this woman was practically having an orgasm at the table, and it was over a puff of pink sugar.  (No pun intended for the woman.)

"I haven't had this in years."

"I noticed."  Like I said, neutral, but with SOME attitude.

It has also become apparent that Cotton Candy can soothe the savage beast.  And by beast, I mean customers.  I've seen the most irate customers be upset throughout their entire meal, yell at their server, trash talk the entire place, and then, by some mysterious act of kindness, the server brings some Cotton Candy to the table and (POOF!) the attitude of the entire table changed instantly.

I think this is the solution to the problems in the Middle East.  Maybe Cotton Candy can finally bring peace to the holy lands.

A staple at any County Fair, has now become a staple in the LA restaurant scene.  Stranger things have happened.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro