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Showing posts from May, 2013

Check Fight

I always love the part in any mob movie when the head guy is out to eat or having drinks with his crew, and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash, counts the bills towards him from the roll, and then tosses it towards the server like a drop in the bucket.  Nobody in his crew had any doubt about who was paying bill, nor would they try to embarrass themselves or the boss by trying to pay the tab themselves.



Then why do so many people insist on fighting over the check when I bring it to the table?  It's always the same thing.

"Don't let anybody else at the table pay the bill but me!"

"Give me the check!  Nobody else!"

Either that or it's a fencing dual with credit cards when I bring the check to the table.  With couples arguing about who is hosting whom, with elbows, head-butts, and "Gambit-style" card throwing.  And for what?  To make somebody feel bad for wanting to pay?  I've seen dog fights end with more diplomacy.

Then …

I'm Allergic to the Following

I appreciate it when a customer let's me know up front when they have allergies, but this still makes me laugh. How many people do you know that are allergic to leeks, broccoli, or cauliflower? I wish that I had one of these cards as a kid. Great way to get out of eating your vegetables.

Parent to child:  "You're not going anywhere until you eat your vegetables."

Child:  "I can't.  I'm allergic!  Read the damn card!"

Here's how the conversation went with this lady when I served her.

Me:  "and what can I get for you? "

Lady:  " I'll have the Tiramisu."

Me:  "What about for your entree?"

Lady:  "That is my entree"


Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

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10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out.

10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU
"This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking around…

Chump Change

Gratuities are always appreciated.  But if you are giving merely to empty your pockets of change, then perhaps you should unload it into a parking meter rather than onto your server.  Give me a break!  Change?  I can't even buy a pack of gum with the amount that was given above.  Just like my buddy Josh would say whenever he got tips like this when he was behind the bar, he would push the money back to the guest and say, "try again!"
If it makes noise, then it's not the kind of tip I want.  It's not the tip that anybody in the service industry wants.  And if that is all the money you have left to tip with, then I suggest you try to switch the change for bills, (or in this case, BILL,) so you don't add insult to injury.  That way, you're just a bad tipper, not a jerk.
Now that you've given me this change for a tip, where the hell am I going to put that money?  I now had to walk around the rest of my shift like a "homeless Tambourine-Man,"  (…