Sunday, January 30, 2011

And my cat will have the veal.


You think you've seen it all in restaurants and hotels. Think again friends! Now menus are available for ALL of your children. Not just the human ones, but for your animal children as well. The best place to get take your furry friend for a birthday dinner, none other than Beverly Hills, CA. I'll never forget working at this restaurant in the heart of Beverly Hills, one of the nicest customer's to eat there was Vidal Sassoon. Yes, the guy who doesn't look good, if you don't look good. He and his wife were super friendly, great tippers, no egos attached to this couple. But, whenever they would dine with us, their two dogs dined as well. The restaurant went as far as to keep the dog bowls in the restaurant for them. Nothing was too good for their canines. Chicken breast. Egg whites. Apparently the dogs were on Atkin's.

And now I've seen many luxury hotels catering to the animal clientele. And not just Charlie Sheen. (BAM!) When you order room service, or even if you have turn down service for your room, now the maids leave chocolates for you, and some carob treats for your pets to nosh on before calling it a night. Seriously, who wants to carry a fifty pound bag of dog food when they travel anyways? What's next? Bars serving up pet cocktails? I don't think that's too far off. And if that does happen, I thought of it first.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter, party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Can I warm up your caffeine for you?


Throughout my illustrious career serving the lucky people who have walked into the establishment that I was employed at the time, I have served drinks ranging from the "Long Island Ice Tea," to "Soy Vanilla Extreme Ice Blendeds." The difference between the two? Serving drunk people is much easier than serving caffeinated. People who want booze like to "sit and stay." People who need their coffee want to "grab and go." Of course, most towns don't let you order alcoholic drinks to go, unless you're in Vegas or New Orleans. Or if you are courageous enough to have your server put your alcoholic drink in a to go coffee cup. And if you do the latter, double the tip for that server, and admit to him that you are an alcoholic.

I worked at The Coffee Bean for five months one year, and that was the longest five months of my life. All of the bartending gigs I have had seemed to be a blur, (not just because of the booze,) but seemingly because time stands still when you are being ordered around by a customer twitching for their "double-short-nonfat-2 pump-no sugar added-soy-latte-w/easy whip." And of course the kicker, after I had made that drink for said customer, I had to say, "double-short-nonfat-2 pump-no sugar added-soy-latte-w/easy whip for Tim the Twitcher."

Here's how specific coffee junkies are: I was serving a customer their "French Press" coffee. I poured it at the table for him. He points to his cup and says, "What's that?"

I being the professional smart-ass reply, "That's coffee."

He comes back with, "What are those bubbles in my coffee?"

I peer into his cup, look back at him and confess, "That's what happens when you pour coffee from a pot, into a cup. Would you rather have the 'bubble-free' coffee?"

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter, party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro