The Bitter Bistro

There are certain things in life to be excited about.  My wife and I recently purchased our first home.  That's exciting!  The birth of my daughter.  EXCITED!  My wife graduated with honors from Pepperdine with a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology.  That is something to be excited about.  Chicken on a restaurant menu?  Bok! Unless, of course, you are one of my customers.  Then excitement must ooze out of every orifice on my body, and burst through my stomach like “Alien” when talking about the chicken on the menu.  Does everybody realize that chicken is on the majority of every restaurant in the world?  Here’s one of my many memorable conversations from a guest the other night. Customer:  “Tell me about the chicken,” Me:  “It’s a pan-roasted half-chicken, that’s semi-boneless, served with yada-yada-yada.” Customer:  (Blank stare.) Me:  (Better blank stare.) Customer:  “You don’t seem that excited,” he finally said. Me:  “Well, I don’t have enough room here to

Customers are at it again.  Over the past couple of weeks I've had one fall off his barstool and have an asthmatic attack, another bumped his balls into a pole while leaving the restaurant and said he was going to sue because his balls were bleeding, and another complained that his drink was overpoured the first round so he should get that much every time. So with the holidays creeping up on us, it's time to roll out a quick list of how to act when dining out. 1. Sit at the table you were given. Too many times I've seen the poor host have to escort people around the restaurant like a Shephard with its flock because people don't like the table that they were given.  It's not real estate, it's a table.  Four legs, hardtop, and you sit at it.  "This table's too cold.  This table's too loud.  This table's too hard."  Have a seat Goldilocks, your server will be right with you. 2.  Get off your phones. We are too obsessed with stayin