The Bitter Bistro

Today we give thanks.  Thanksgiving is upon us.  I will be working, serving "holiday people."  Remember, those are people who are so horrible, that they weren't invited into anybody's house because they're assholes! (Thanks to Joe Kelly!)  But if you happen to be some of the few families that are dining out, please remember that it's your server's or bartender's holiday too.  Tomorrow is "Black Friday."  Originally the meaning of this horrid day was the start of the Christmas shopping season, and the point when retailers would start to turn a profit, and were "in the black."  Now I feel it is called "Black Friday" because of the color of people's hearts that venture out to conquer the best deals possible, at the expense of their souls.  And not just the shopper's souls, but retailers as well.  (Apple's deal on iPads today saves you a whole $45.00!  Woo Hoo!  Now I can finally buy that iPad AND fill up my

I have written quite a bit about my battles with customers, tipping, and the way people behave in restaurants.  I have put up with a lot, (and to be honest,) some customers have put up with a lot from me.  What I haven't talked about yet is how I was introduced to the wacky world called the "Service Industry."  The high of getting my first gratuity, and the low of getting stiffed.  How I learned to give good service, and how I learned to get back at customers who didn't tip me.  This, my friends, is an origin story.  So, to be cliche, it started when I was eleven years old...                                                                                                                                                   FADE IN: I wanted to have a way to make extra money.  The extra chores that I could do around the house didn't excite me.  Mainly because the only choice I had was to pull weeds from the front hillside. "What's the point?"  I

McDonald's has had tremendous success incorporating playgrounds into their campaigns.  There is a reason why they work:  McDonald's has happy meals, dollar menus, and the playgrounds are outside .   The same is not true for restaurants.  You are seated by a host, handed menus, and you are waited on by a server.  When the hell did it become a good idea to let your two year old run around a restaurant, bothering other customers, and having waiters avoid running into them like a game of "Frogger?"   "He'll calm down after he tires himself out."  Said the mom to me after I almost, (I said, almost,) stabbed her kid with a steak knife that I was bringing to another table. "If you need to tire him out, he can bus Table 23 for me, and take the drink order for the couple on the patio."  In other words, get your kid the f@*k out of the way.  Your child may be cute, but he won't be cute after he's been run over and step on by serv