The Bitter Bistro

Nobody is in the restaurant.  The tables have been cleared off, or they have been set-up for breakfast/lunch service for the next day.  Even though the clock has not struck "closing time" yet, the fact that there haven't been any tables for almost an hour signals the staff to close.  Then they appear. The customers who just want a quick bite to eat and then they say they'll leave.  These people make sure to point out that it's still a minute before you close, so they guilt trip their way to a table.  I clear away all of the set-up that I had done and re-set their table for dinner. "Was it busy tonight?" the girl asks. "We were earlier.  But then those people left," I reply.  Don't get me wrong:  Yes, I want to have customers, but not when we are about to close.  It's not worth the extra few dollars to stick around for another hour or so. I explain to them that the kitchen is closing, so they are going to need to decide quickly...

It's that time of year again, and before you put on that holiday red and green dress, or Christmas Tree tie, I would like to help you out with a few tips that will let you enjoy your holiday party, get you home safe, and still be employed when you go back to work. NUMBER 5:  DON'T ASK YOUR BARTENDER TO POUR EXTRA ALCOHOL  Whether or not it's a hosted or cash bar, don't tell the bartender to put a little more in your drink.  We get it, you're a lush.  Either that or you have never been out to a place that serves alcohol.  Either way, the bar will not be going anywhere for a couple of hours.  Meaning, that after you finish one drink, you can go back and get another.  Anybody who asks for more booze in their cocktail has just become a target for ridicule amongst the service staff.  Save your breath for the meaningless conversation you are going to have with the coworkers that you probably don't like. NUMBER 4:  THE PARTY IS NOT AN OPPORTU...

When the phrase, "The customer is always right," was uttered by Marshall Field back in 1904 he wanted to give the customer the ultimate service experience, but unfortunately, he didn't get to experience the magnitude of customers that we have today.  In fact, if he were alive today, he probably would have said, "The customer is out of their  F@#King mind." I haven't had any difficult customers in a while, so the universe decided to bestow them upon me the other night.  A man and a woman, dressed like they came out of a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon strip, were seated in my section, waiting to be served. "What's good here?" they asked.  No initial response to me asking them how they're going, mind you. I took them on a tour through our menu and pointed out some things that I actually enjoyed.  Why the hell do people ask that question?  What's good?  The chairs.  They have great back support. Then came the questions.  Not just the n...

I have witnessed many first dates throughout my shifts.  Some of them successful; most of them bad.  There have been some signs of how the date is going that I have picked up on and noted.  Being a server in these situations is kind of like being the third wheel on a friend date.  I am there for support, but I can't say anything except to offer them more booze and bread. Here are some things I have noticed: If I see a cell phone on the table at any point in the dinner, the date is over. If a second drink is ordered in-between apps and entrees, the date is being forced. If both people are missing by the time I return to check on how the food is, then the date is being consummated. There is a dating service called, " It's Just Lunch ," where they bring together two possible matches and have them meet at a random restaurant for a first date.  And most of these dates are at night, so calling it, "It's Just Lunch" already sets things off on a ba...

I just wrote a post about Dickeys BBQ Pit (who is hiring on Craigslist) and how horrible it would be to work there, and what type of person would apply.  ( CLICK HERE if you missed it.) Today I see a Facebook post from Bitchy Waiter about another Dickeys restaurant where the ENTIRE Dickeys staff quit at the same time.  That's the epitome of what every waitstaff wants to do to every restaurant employer who treats them like crap... complete EXODUS. So many times, at so many different places have I talked about and schemed with my co-workers about taking a ten minute break, and never coming back.  Or better yet, waiting until the entire restaurant is full, and then dumping our aprons at the host stand.  (Josh, Jude, Kyle, Andrea, and anybody else who worked at The Gardens remember this?) Bravo Ex-Dickeys BBQ Pit staff.  You have done what we have all dreamed about doing, and you have done it well.  You should have a flag raised in your honor. Unti...

Good restaurant jobs are almost as hard to get as an acting gig here in Los Angeles.  Craigslist provides many opportunities to try and find some of these wonderful pits that we call employment and I have found some that are worth sharing and commenting on. Crew - Dickeys Barbecue Pit (Pasadena) © craigslist - Map data ©  OpenStreetMap ( google map ) ( yahoo map ) compensation:  $9-10/hr Dickeys Barbecue Pit in Pasadena is hiring! We are looking for people that wants to be part of a growing new business. Get in early and be part of our team. Growth opportunities available. Dickeys serves the best Texas style barbecue in town. With over 350 stores in the US and growing. We are the first in the SGV. We are looking for people that want a stable position, fun and face pace environment. At Dickey's, We are passionate about the art of great barbecue!!! Applicants should have experience in fast food or Quick Causal Restaurant. Duties: Cashier, Food Prep, FOH, BO...

Same bitterness, different day!  Service dogs, dine-&-ditching, and BH drivers, oh my hell !!!  Put a 5 star rating in iTunes please.  Remember, Christmas is coming. Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments. "Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready." ITUNES STITCHER TWITTER FACEBOOK IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!

I've gotten some bad tips in my day, but I think what this server got in Indiana takes the cake... A poop cake.  According to the NY Daily News, a server in Indiana found that some of the bills left in the check presenter were covered in "fecal matter."  They started off this article right by saying, "Waitresses already deal with enough crap." Now it's both figuratively AND literally.  We can't just get a bad tip and leave it at that?  I already know that the majority of the money in circulation already has traces of cocaine and bodily matter on it, but to purposefully add even more to it?  This dilweed went to take a dump and wiped his ass with a couple of one-dollar bills.  The article says that the individual was charged with, "battery using bodily waste."  That will be a fun thing to write on all of his future job applications. JOB INTERVIEWER:  "Can you explain being arrested?" IDIOT:  "Uh... The bathroom didn...

Wednesday, October 8th, 2014.  Los Angeles, CA. The apocalypse is coming.  I thought they were just coincidences at first, but now I have seen it all.  While bussing my own tables the other night at work, I was bringing the dirty dishes to the dishwashing station, and instead of seeing the usual dishwashing team--Jose, Maria, and Jose de Luis--I saw a white-blonde-girl.  I dropped the dishes and they fell to the ground with a SMASH.  I quickly ran away. "Am I dead?" I asked myself.  Of course white girls can be dishwashers.  But this is Los Angeles.  It's not something that you normally see in a restaurant.  I was starting to get busy so I put it out of my mind and concentrated on my tables. Later that night, I was at the expo line and talking with Gerry, the food runner.  I didn't want to come right out and say it, but it was weighing heavily on my mind. "Gerry, I saw something weird tonight," I cried. "I know.  I saw i...

I have been cyber threatened!  Weapons and insults are a thing of the past.  Customers nowadays prefer to be cowards and use their Yelp profiles to get what they want in restaurants.  To quote "Cassius" from  Julius Caesar : Cassius: Why, man, he [Caesar] doth bestride the narrow world Like a colossus, and we petty men Walk under his huge legs, and peep about To find ourselves dishonorable graves. Men at some time are masters of their fates; The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings. Julius Caesar Act 1, scene 2, 135–141 Accept your own fate, Yelpers.  I can no longer be slain with your petty words.  In fact, your words fuel my blogs and podcasts.  Just like this man and woman I had sitting in my section the other night. Just to let anybody know, if I greet the table and you start out our conversation by saying, "We are going to start out with the  Tuna Carpaccio , and then decide...

Meet M S from Los Angeles, CA .  A woman, who in typical Yelper-cowardly fashion, has hidden her face in her profile pic because she doesn't want the world to know what she looks like when she writes pointless reviews on Yelp. What makes this review even more repulsive than most is the fact that she blames the restaurant for her allergy.  Another person who failed to disclose important information that could've possibly killed her, and now it's the restaurant's fault. I had the Brussel sprouts and blue crab grilled cheese my first visit here. Less than 2 hours after my meal here I break out in hives. The Brussel sprouts were tasty and had a good portion served. But the blue crab grilled cheese was what I was allergic too.  I have an allergy to poor grammar.  M S must have been taught by Yoda.  "Taste the brussel sprouts had." The owner wrote a very apologetic message to me and invited me to come back and give them another chance as t...