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Showing posts from May, 2011

The Only Birthday in the World...

Birthdays that are celebrated in restaurants are apparently the only birthdays in the world. (At least for that day.) Don't get me wrong, birthdays are fun, and it's great to get together with friends to celebrate a birthday at a restaurant, but keep this in mind... there is a strong possibility that there are other people celebrating birthdays that same day as well. I know, hard to believe, but it is possible that there were multiple births on that day.

And we've all seen this happen. Out at a restaurant and one of the friends get up from the table to go to the bathroom, this is the universal signal that they are going to tell their server that it's their friends birthday, and they would like them to do something special. Oh, and of course, make it a surprise. A surprise?

"Surprise! Happy birthday!" Says the server.

"Oh my God! I had no idea it was my birthday." Shrieked the surprise birthday person. Apparently they used to be a Jehovah…

Money Can't Buy You a NEW ATTITUDE

The Countess LuAnn was right when she sang, "Money can't buy you class." And I know, who the hell is The Countess LuAnn? Subject for another type of blog. But the people who think that because they are spending a lot of money at a restaurant/hotel, entitles them to become part-time owners of the establishment.

"I've spent over 25,000 dollars at this hotel, I should be allowed to smoke inside if I please! That's the least you could do for me." --Of course. We'll get the Governor on the phone and change the law for you right away. In the meantime, perhaps you could light yourself on fire so you could get that warm feeling from smoking. Let me know if I can help. :)

Or the people who spend a good amount of money for dinner with 8 or 10 of their friends, (thankfully only 1 person paid the check, not 8 different forms of payment--see my joke about "paying the check.) The restaurant closes, and the people are still there like they're &qu…

Sample Winers

UHG!!! Enough with the people who think that they are foodies and wine connoisseurs. Believe me, I am a huge fan of "Top Chef," but that doesn't make me go into a restaurant and question every ingredient of each dish, and the complexity of each grape that goes into every varietal of wine.

One night, I have this couple in my section, and they begin to ask a few questions about some wines they had the last time they came in to eat. FINE, but then they suddenly need something "fruity," but "smooth." "Wait. Maybe not smooth, but more fruit forward. Yes, we want a wine that is a fruit-bomb."

"Fruit bomb?" I confirm. Getting hard to control my smart-ass tendencies at this point.

"Yes." Said the woman. "Something that will please my palate, then explode in my mouth." (Not kidding! Actual words.)

"A fruity, palate-pleasing, mouth exploding wine. Sir you are a lucky man. I have just the wine for you.&q…