Wednesday, January 21, 2015

The Dine LA Syndrome

Everybody wants a deal these days!  Well Dine LA is back, and the deals are-a-flowing, and the cheap customers be-a-coming.  Dine LA should be better known as the "I can't afford to eat at your place, but now I can... but I still can't afford to tip.

Or maybe it's the, "I don't know how to tip," syndrome.  Whatever the 'drome, these people need to realize that just because they already paid for their deal, they are still receiving great service, and therefore, they should show their appreciation.  And not by just saying that the service was wonderful.  Hello?  "Servers don't pay their rent with compliments," anyone?

And to make things even worse, we are also offering a Groupon deal as well.  Dine LA plus Groupon is a recipe for tip disaster.  The disaster being no tip, and customers still wanting exceptional service.  Even though most of them have never dined in a nice restaurant before.  But they probably have watched "Top Chef," so that makes them an expert.

Whether it's Groupon, Dine LA, or the "I hate full price" coupon, please take care of your server.  After all, we are introducing you to our restaurant that you normally would not be eating at.

And for the professional Dine LA'ers, stay off of Yelp!  All of the Yelp reviews for Dine LA always state that the portions are small, and there aren't many options.  No shit!  It's a prefix menu, you dildos.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."









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Wednesday, January 14, 2015

The Golden Duds

I would be happy to be nominated for a Golden Globe.  I would be even more happy to win one.  The red carpet looks fun, and I know that the show is long and drawn out, but at least I would get to kiss the ass of directors and actors I would want to work with, instead my usual ass kissing of my managers so I can get the days off that I need from the restaurant.

But the people who like to act like they are somebody, when I don't know who the hell they are, have got to go.  And go fast!

I waited on some people attending an after party for The Golden Globes and it was like having my gums scraped.  First of all, these people were at a Golden Globes *after party* while the Golden Globes was still on!  If you're anybody, you go to the after party, AFTER the show is over.

There were a bunch of punks acting like they owned the place as if they're the next boy-band-sensation; some weird-hippy twins who seemed like they played the "ghost twins" in the second Matrix movie, and a guy who came in twice and said that he wanted a table for seven and when he did finally sit down, he was the only one eating... BY HIMSELF!!!  Then he was joined by the bitchy girl who knew telepathy, because when I offered her something to drink, she kept looking at her phone, but then the guy answered for her.

To which I responded, "she looks too busy to order anything anyways."

Then there was an unprofessional looking, crappy step-and-repeat, followed by an interview with a poorly dressed host using what looked like a VHS camcorder with a microphone that looked like the one that hooked up to my old Apple IIE computer.

The only good part about all of this, was that my customers were extremely entertained by this whole debacle.  Especially the couple from Australia.  But the last thing America needs are the Aussies to go home and tell their friends and countrymen what a bunch of idiots we are.

Listen up wannabes:  You are all on the same train as the rest of us fools who moved to this town to "make it" in the entertainment biz.  And the train is going nowhere!  So you might as well sit back down in your seat, put your seatbelt back on, and just watch from the window like the rest of us.

Acting like you're somebody doesn't make you an actor, it makes you an asshole.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."









ITUNES
STITCHER
TWITTER
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IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!