Tuesday, April 30, 2013

You Got Yelped!!!

As my quest to take down Yelp.com continues, I found another Yelper who continually pushes the boundaries of common decency, and deserves to be outed.  So here I go:

Meet Ben P.
Or, excuse me, Ben "Benitos" P.  (Whatever the hell that means!)  He seemed to have found his way into Beverly Hills and expected the red carpet to be rolled out for him because he thinks that he is somebody.  Actually, he claims to be a(n) "Iron Yelper America," as it says on his Yelp profile.  When in actuality, Ben is no more than one of the many disillusioned Yelpers who probably should've gotten his ass kicked a bit more on the playground when he was a kid.  (Again, I don't condone violence, but there is something to be said for somebody FINALLY learning their lesson.)

Wow I knew going in this place was not going to be good.

Right from the start?  How have you made this far in life, Ben?  That should've been the moment for you to turn around and leave.  And not just leave the restaurant, I mean leave planet Earth.

We made reservations for a party of 4 and they seated us all the way in the back corner, next to 3 other tables. I had no space to even breathe or move!

"NOBODY PUTS BENITOS IN THE CORNER!!!"  Well Ben, a restaurant has many tables on it's floor.  What did you expect to be seated next to, a hospital bed?  "We've got a code blue in the dining room--STAT!!!"

As you look around you see everything was crisp white at some previous time but now its all old and haggard.

I brought a bottle of wine and asked the waiter to have it decanted. She came back 10 minutes later and said that it was broken.

Decanters are made of glass, and sometimes they break.  But I can't stand it when customers bring in a bottle of wine, and then want me to decant it and do a song and dance.  If you're buying the bottle, fine.  But if you're bringing in your own wine, just be happy that you're being allowed to drink it.

So she opened the wine and made a round and filled each glass and then went again to completely empty out the bottle! I had a shocked look on my face and I asked her why would you pour out the whole bottle, what if the people we are with don't want to drink all that wine? She said that she usually completely pours out the bottle every time. 

So Ben, you brought in your own bottle of wine, and then argued that it was going to be completely drunk?  Get bent Ben!  And if people don't want to completely finish something, then they just don't finish it!  The server had every right to dictate the flow of wine at the table.  Next time, pour the Jesus juice yourself.

I was disappointed  and I let the manager know. He said he would remove the corkage off our bill. Which in fact they didn't so I had to ask again!

I find it interesting that Ben doesn't mention whether or not he and his guests actually finished the wine or not.  I'm assuming they did.  So now he's a hypocrite, which is appropriate for him since he writes reviews on Yelp.  And a corkage fee is at most 25 dollars.  The wine was poured, they drank it, so shut up.  I'm sure Jesus had a corkage fee at "The Last Supper," and he wasn't complaining about the server pouring out the ENTIRE bottle.  If anything, Jesus should've complained about one of his dinner guests.  But I digress...

The food was bland and came out cold. I had the lamb chops and my friends had the chicken and salmon. 

I think the only people that were there were tourists trying to feel like they were living the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills experience. Definitely not for me. But if you really want to, then go to her other restaurant Sur. Villa Blanca isn't the best place to go, sorry Jiggy!

Ben says that he is not into the Housewives/ reality scene, but somehow pulls references out of his ass that only someone who watches the show would know.  Jiggy?  SUR?  I'm surprised he didn't plug when the next episode would be on.  Needless to say, Ben P.should have the red carpet rolled over him, and then be trampled with a 10 Clydesdale-horse-drawn carriage.  That would give him the experience he's been yearning to have.


Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro


Monday, April 22, 2013

Death and Taxes and boredom at work

Up until three weeks after taxes are due, restaurants and bars are slower than other times of the year.  It's true what they say, there's nothing certain in life except for death and taxes.  I would like to add "slow restaurants" to that list.  Because during tax season, nobody wants to go out to eat and spend money.  Now I know what the "death" part refers too... working in a slow restaurant, is death.

I get a lot of these types of questions during this time:

"When do you guys get busy?"

"Slow tonight, huh?"

"How do you stay open?"

I would like to respectfully answer all of these questions at this time, and my answer is, "I don't have a f@*king clue!"  Seriously, that's like going to your friends party, and asking them if anybody else is coming, or when is it going to get fun.

Why not just enjoy the experience of of slower restaurant, and be happy that your server has the time to give you a little extra attention, rather than the place being overpacked and your server constantly giving you the finger saying, "I'll be with you in a moment."  (And I mean the index finger, but I'm sure the "other" finger will shortly follow.)

When I am not waiting on tables at my restaurant job, I do what is called "side-work."  Everybody who works in the service industry just shivered while reading that.  Because that is the boring, monotonous work that we must do to ensure that we have enough supplies, and that the place is clean, in order to serve our guest better.

However, once that work is done, and while waiting for customers to come through the door, I must find other alternatives to amuse myself.

There is a grease board at many of the restaurants that I have worked, and I have occasionally drawn some pretty epic murals to pass the time during the tax seasons.  I would like to share some of those with you now.

This one shows the struggle of a place needing to remodel, but sometimes people and things stand in the way.

Sometimes a place is open, but the signage is not properly in place to let the customers know.  It's all in how you look at it.

UHG!... I can't wait for tax season to be over.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro


Thursday, April 18, 2013

Applebee's Smackackle-bee's!

CrApplebee's is at it again.  Only this time, they want it to be known that they support gay bashing and discrimination as opposed to supporting their own employees.  You guys remember my previous post on this (dare I say) restaurant chain a few months back, (CLICK HERE,) where the now infamous Pastor, Alois Bell, caused an employee to lose their serving job because she refused to pay the automatic gratuity; well now Crapplebee's has bigger fish to fry since one of their employees in Rice Lake was the victim of assault and battery, and discrimination.

See article: CLICK HERE

A long and drawn out article, but the point is that Applebee's works by their own set of beliefs, which is "you work here at your own risk," cause they don't care about you, their employee.  And even though the incident happened outside of work, it still poured over into the workplace which in turn Applebee's did nothing to help their own reputation or their employee's cause.

Perhaps Applebee's should ask the Pastor Alois Bell to pray for them, because they can't seem to get out of the spotlight of bad press.  Which in turn might be a good thing for them, considering what would be good press for Applebee's?  Their food?

I think the lesson learned should be that if you find yourself filling out an application to work at "Crapplebee's" you should stop and say yourself, "I'm f@*king filling out an application to work at Applebee's?"  Turn, and run.  Hopefully that will solve their problems.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro


Saturday, April 13, 2013

Look! Up in the sky. It's a ... (plop!)

I can now add a new job for servers to handle during their shifts, "bird crap consultant."

During a recent shift, (at a restaurant that has a retractable roof to allow the illusion of an outdoor dining experience,) one of my tables calls me over with a request.

"Yes ladies?"  I asked.

"A bird crapped on our table.  Do something," she barked.

"You know that's good luck.  Mazel Tov?!" I joked.  But somehow I knew that they wouldn't appreciate my humor.  And I was right.

"It almost landed on us.  What if it had gone in our food?"

"I would not have let you eat it."  I assured her.

And if this bird had wanted to crap on these (dimwits,) it would have.  The crap actually landed on the front half of the table, completely missing them... (damn't!)  Trust me, I would have gotten no greater joy than to have had one of my crappy customers get crapped on.  Either by a bird, dog, or myself.

I ened up grabbing a towel and wiping the table clean, laughed as I told my manager about it, and he ended up buying the women dessert.  Because like I've stated in previous posts, desserts pacify the savage-collagen-injected beast.

Lesson learned for people eating at an outdoor patio, or an area like that, there's a chance that it might rain, or be too warm, or you might get crapped on.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro