Tuesday, December 16, 2014

I Want You To Sit In My Section But Not When We R Closing

Nobody is in the restaurant.  The tables have been cleared off, or they have been set-up for breakfast/lunch service for the next day.  Even though the clock has not struck "closing time" yet, the fact that there haven't been any tables for almost an hour signals the staff to close.  Then they appear.

The customers who just want a quick bite to eat and then they say they'll leave.  These people make sure to point out that it's still a minute before you close, so they guilt trip their way to a table.  I clear away all of the set-up that I had done and re-set their table for dinner.

"Was it busy tonight?" the girl asks.

"We were earlier.  But then those people left," I reply.  Don't get me wrong:  Yes, I want to have customers, but not when we are about to close.  It's not worth the extra few dollars to stick around for another hour or so.

I explain to them that the kitchen is closing, so they are going to need to decide quickly.  They order some drinks and say they'll be ready by the time I return.

I return.  The man gestures for the girl to order first.  She's still undecided.  (Shocker!)  I can feel the kitchen staff burning holes into my skull with the stares they are giving me to get the order in.  But I get it, they want to go home too.  Finally the man chimes in and orders a steak.  Then I turn my attention back to the woman.

"Nothing really is jumping out at me... do you think they can make me some type of pasta with chicken, vegetables, and some type of sauce?" the woman demands.

"Actually the Penne Pasta on the menu has all of those things," I explain.

"I don't see that."

I point it out to her.  What is the deal with people having to see exactly where things are on the damn menu?  I'm not making it up.  If I say it's on the menu, then it's on the menu.  Regardless, she orders the pasta after carefully reading it over... a couple of times... out loud.

I finally put their order in, and it's already 20 minutes past the time that they sat down and were told that we are closing.  A restaurant is the ONLY place that things like this happen.  If you're at the bank, and it's closing time, you had better believe that one of the out-of-shape armed guards is going to be bullying you out the door.  Just because your money is there doesn't mean that you own the place.

My manager comes back to check on me and the table.  This is always interesting to me because managers will ALWAYS seat a late table, so we have the business, but then they are the first ones to ask if they're finished yet.  They would've been finished by now if you had NEVER SAT THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE!

The couple finishes their entrees and I use the old "bring them some chocolates on a plate" trick, so they think that this will be their dessert, so they won't stay and order dessert off the menu.  Fortunately, it worked.  I drop their check and was thinking that I was finally finished.  When I go to pick up their payment, I was lectured by the woman that she really didn't like her cocktail--even though she had decided to modify one of the specialty cocktails that we have on the menu.

At this point, it's better to take it off the bill rather than argue that she is an idiot.  They pay.  They leave.  For all of that, I made less than 10 percent.  The closing Gods were unkind to me this night.

When the restaurant is closed, that means that they are closed.  Jack-in-the-box has a 24 hour drive-thru.  Go there, and say hi to Jack for me.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."









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Saturday, December 6, 2014

5 Tips To Surviving Your Holiday Party by Bitter Party of 1

It's that time of year again, and before you put on that holiday red and green dress, or Christmas Tree tie, I would like to help you out with a few tips that will let you enjoy your holiday party, get you home safe, and still be employed when you go back to work.

NUMBER 5:  DON'T ASK YOUR BARTENDER TO POUR EXTRA ALCOHOL 
Whether or not it's a hosted or cash bar, don't tell the bartender to put a little more in your drink.  We get it, you're a lush.  Either that or you have never been out to a place that serves alcohol.  Either way, the bar will not be going anywhere for a couple of hours.  Meaning, that after you finish one drink, you can go back and get another.  Anybody who asks for more booze in their cocktail has just become a target for ridicule amongst the service staff.  Save your breath for the meaningless conversation you are going to have with the coworkers that you probably don't like.

NUMBER 4:  THE PARTY IS NOT AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO ASK YOUR BOSS WHY HE/SHE DIDN'T LIKE YOUR PRESENTATION.
There are other things to talk about besides work.  This is a good place to practice that.  Kind of like how you shouldn't talk about religion or politics on a first date, the same applies here.  This is an important one to remember early on because, as the night goes on, and everybody gets hammered, it will be good to know that you haven't said anything to your boss that will revoke your invitation to next year's party.

NUMBER 3:  UBER UBER UBER
Save yourself some time and grief and Uber, Lift, Cab, Unicorn, or Rickshaw your way to and from the party.  How are you going to make it back to work if you are stuck in the drunk-tank?

NUMBER 2:  THE PARTY IS NOT A GOOD PLACE TO TELL YOUR COWORKER THAT YOU HAVE A THING FOR THEM.
Office hook-ups are probably going to happen, but remember, they usually end up getting broken up by security, the boss's wife or husband, or the cleaning crew to tell you that the party ended three hours ago, and the two of you passed out on top of each other in the utility closet.

NUMBER 1:  TIP YOUR BARTENDER
You are not paying for the party, and since it's a "holiday" party, show some love and throw down some cash on the bar.  We are trying to make your party as jolly as possible, and nothing says "Ho Ho Ho" more than some 10's and 20's in the tip jar.  (Not just talking about the office whore.)  Just like you got that end-of-the-year-bonus at the office, getting extra cash during the holidays is our bonus in the service industry.

HAPPY HOLIDAY PARTYING!!!

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."









ITUNES
STITCHER
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IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!