Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Assuming Makes An Ass Just Out of Me

Everybody has their favorite cocktail.  Their drink of choice.  A love for their libations.  Whatever!  Whether somebody is rough around the edges, gay, black, nerdy, white, female, or tranny, I've served every cocktail around the sun to everybody, but I can usually tell what type of drink goes with the person.

The other night I "assumed" wrong.  

A man and woman were sat in my section.  The woman excused herself to go to the ladies room.  I approached the gentleman, (50's) glasses, with distinguished grey hair, welcomed him, and asked him if I could get him a drink.

"While my date is in the restroom, I'll order for both of us.  A Strawberry Basil Martini, and a Makers' Mark Manhattan up," he politely requested.

I put in their drink order.  His date, (early 40's) pretty, Asian, arrived back from taking her dump.

I got the drinks from the bar, brought them to their table, and placed the Strawberry Basil Martini in front of the woman.

"That's actually my drink," the man interrupted.  "Sorry for the confusion.  I know it seems the opposite.  I would assume the same thing."

"I never assume anything.  Or ever again, for that matter.  I should go."

And I quickly walked away.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."









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Thursday, April 16, 2015

The Traitor Lobster Benedict Arnold

The evil Benedict reared it's ugly head again.  This time fooling a customer with a poached egg on their Lobster Benedict.  And the customer exclaimed,

"I didn't know there are poached eggs on Lobster Benedict.  I don't want no poached egg."

I don't even know where to begin with this.  Who the hell doesn't know that there are poached eggs on ANYTHING Benedict?

And to make things even better, it actually said in the description of the dish, that it had poached eggs.

Now the customer is just dumb and can't read.  And that's no way to go through life.

Plus, you just wasted Lobster.  That's a crime in itself!

I offered to make things better, but she pulled the old, "I'm not hungry anymore" line on me.  At this point, I was fine with that.  Seriously?  You don't go to a restaurant hungry, and then suddenly not be hungry.  That's not how it works.  You are mixing up your emotions.  You're still hungry, but now you're just being an asshole...

A hungry asshole.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."










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Monday, April 6, 2015

Wine O Confusion

Do you know the difference between red and white wine?

In case you don't, let me help you.  Red wine is RED.  White wine is WHITE.  Doesn't that sound simple?  I thought it did.  However, the customers that I had the other night did not agree.

They ordered a bottle of Pinot Noir.  That is a red wine.  The fact that the word "Noir" is in the name of the varietal should tip people off that that the wine is going to be a darker color.  I did my usual schtick of presenting the wine to make sure it was the right one that they ordered, including pouring out a taste, and so on and so forth.  They both agreed the wine was good and correct and when I left the table, the man and woman BOTH had a glass of red wine in their wine glasses.  I repeat, the color of wine in their glasses was the color RED.

Later I went back to the table to check on everything and they say that the wine wasn't the one that they had ordered.  They said that they ordered a bottle of white wine.

I don't throw the word "stupid" around very often, but these two dingbats have got to be two of biggest morons I've ever had sit in my section.  Where do I begin?

First off, the color of the wine should've been a red flag.  You said you ordered white, but the wine that I poured out was red.  And it also says what type of wine it is on the bottle.  In this case, it said Pinot Noir.  That's a red wine, folks!

And did you notice how I didn't put the bottle on ice after I poured the two glasses.  That's because you don't put red wine on ice.  Although I have had guests request that a couple of times, but typically, you don't keep red wine chilled.  White wine on the other hand always likes to chill out.  Which is exactly what I needed these guests to do:  CHILL OUT!

Somehow this turned out to be my fault, saying that I didn't listen to what they wanted, but on the third day Jesus rose from the dead and they were upset about that because they're Jewish.

The good news is that my manager still made them pay for the wine because of the obvious.

The bad news is that they didn't tip me.  That's okay because I got their license plate number and reported them to the cops for drunk driving... or did I?

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."










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