The Bitter Bistro

I thought I had seen it all.  I'm humbled to say that I was wrong, and it was so worth it.  The following happened recently while I was bartending an "exchange" with a sorority and a fraternity from USC.  For those that don't know, an "exchange" is a themed party for frats and sororities at different locations, and usually they act horribly and get drunk and any outsider would see this and immediately weep for the future. This particular night was no exception... There was about 250 people at this party.  One bar was inside with two bartenders, while there was an outside bar with one bartender.  I was bartending the outside bar. The first hour of the "exchange" was a hosted bar.  So the college kids made sure to consume as much free alcohol as their livers could tolerate within the allotted time.  Everybody who was of age was wearing a wristband to ensure no underage drinking, and I was only giving out one drink per wristband.  The free hou

If my life were a game show, then I would be constantly playing against my customers.  So let's get ready to play, "Are You Smarter Than A Customer?" Recently I argued against one lady who spoke annoyingly slow.  When she finally finished her question, it was along the lines of, "Is there caffeine in the herbal mint tea?" "No.  There's no caffeine in the mint tea," I answered. "I'll have the decaf mint tea," she replied.  Mind you, she spoke extremely slow. "There is no decaf mint tea.  It's herbal.  There's no caffeine in mint leaves."  I argued.  But I wish there was caffeine.  So she could speed herself along and get the hell out of my section. Then, on the same night, the bar was busy so I went behind it to help out the other bartender, Matt.  There were only two bartenders behind the bar.  Matt was on one side of the horseshoe and I was on the other.  A group of girls comes up to my side and one of t

I survived another Halloween shift at work but not without my fair share of comments from peeps trying to get the most alcohol for their buck. I get it.  It's Halloween and people want to drink and get crazy.  I stepped away from the serving scene for the night, dusted off my bar tools, and got back behind the bar for a night of freaks, sluts, and bingers.  And that was just the employees.  (Rim shot!) For some reason, people have this belief that too much ice is damaging to their drink.  As a bartender, when you make a cocktail, you start out by filling the glass to the top with ice.  The reason for that is to ensure that the alcohol stays at the proper temperature.  Most bars nowadays have the type of ice that doesn't melt as easily as ice that looks like it's "wet."  It's the ice that is not clear.  Cocktails that are made by not filling the glass full of ice will be diluted, because the amount of alcohol causes the ice to melt.  But more ice just kee