Skip to main content

That's What She Said

The title of this post seems fitting to what happens in a restaurant on a daily basis.  We harass the crap out of each other.  (Allegedly.)  The fact that a place wants to cover their ass in case someone files a sexual harassment suit is understandable, but handing out a handbook with the title "Sexual Harassment Training" is telling us that it's a book to teach us how to sexually harass our co-workers, and we are going to take advantage of it.  Because a restaurant is not complete without sexual harassment.

There's really not a day that goes by where somebody finds a way to use the "that's what she said" line.  It's almost second nature.  It's a great way to make any conversation that much better, take a jab at somebody, and keep you on your toes.  (That's what she said.)

And it never fails that after a seminar for sexual harassment, the sexual harassment level rises exponentially for the next week.  Because it's on our minds.  I think it would be weird if that didn't happen.  I'm not saying that restaurant workers go around and draw inappropriate pictures on all of the walls, (allegedly,) but we have been known to slap an ass here and there, just to let a co-worker know that they've done a good job.  And that's just the girls.

The kitchen staff are one of the worst offenders of this, and it's hilarious!  A bunch of men doing everything but touch each other inappropriately can provide hours of entertainment on slow nights in a restaurant.

It's almost like sports, except we're at a place that's not as fun... or actually fun at all.  That's how we make it fun.  If your favorite restaurant has a happy staff, chances are the sexual harassment is running high and they are all making comments that the Human Resources Director would have to cover his ears and run away.

So thanks for the manual.  I will be referencing it on a daily basis and probably adding some techniques of my own or ones that I think of down the line.  (Allegedy.)  Rest assured, no one has been harmed by this blog post, rather, it was encouraged.  And if you're sitting in my section, and I catch your eyes gazing at other parts of my body and not up at my face, then I know you've approved of this post yourself.  

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro







LIKE ME ON FACEBOOK
FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Letter to Yelpers

Dear Yelpers:

You think you're smart.  Nope.  You think you're cool.  Wrong again.  You think this is the popularity that you have been yearning to have since high school.  (BUZZ!)  Incorrect.

It's time for you to take the energy that you put into your Yelping, and focus your attention on yourself.  Your "opinion" is not important.  The fact that your meal was ruined by the color of your server's apron, or the shape of the plates, or that they didn't give you anything for free on your birthday just means that you were not a planned pregnancy, and you should be grateful that you made it to full term.

Ouch!  That hurts, doesn't it?  Well, do you think that destroying someone's business is okay?  That demeaning your server or bartender makes you look like you know what you're talking about?  If your opinion REALLY mattered, (it doesn't,) then you should crawl out from your hiding space where you Yelp on your laptop, and talk to someone face-…

Cover My Shift!!!

The anxiety of trying to get your shift covered at a serving job ranks up there with wondering if the pee stick is going to turn positive or negative after a long night of having shots with your coworkers, and you ended up hooking up with one of them.  Eventually, the pregnancy scare turns out to be negative, you get your shift covered, and everything is right with the world.

But trying to get your shift covered is never easy.  Especially when you feel like you go out of your way to cover other people's shifts when they ask, but when the time comes for you to ask them, it becomes an entire ordeal.

"Hey Steve, would you be able to cover my shift next Wednesday night?  My parents are going to be in town," I asked last Saturday night.

"I might be able to, but I won't know until Tuesday.  Can I get back to you then?" Steve replied.

"That's cutting it close," I said.  "Would you be able to tell me by Monday?"

"I can't cause I h…

Don't Forget Your Teeth

An older lady was dining with her husband, granddaughter, and her granddaughter's boyfriend one night, when the old lady turns to me and says,

"What do you have that's soft to eat?  I forgot my teeth."

Who the hell forgets their teeth?  Let me get this straight, when you looked at yourself in the mirror before you left, you didn't notice something was missing when you smiled?


"I know how you feel," I said, "sometimes I forget my phone.  I feel lost without it."  She just looked at me as if she didn't know what I meant by that because she still uses a rotary phone.  (Look it up.)

I explained that we have soups that she could have, but she was concerned about her choices for salad.  She and her family were using a Groupon, so they had to select from the items on the prefixed menu.

"Is the salad soft?" she asked.

"I could have the kitchen chop it fine for you.  That would make it easier to eat." I replied.  I was also g…