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Size Matters

When a guy hears that size doesn't matter, think again.  Well, for the obvious and also for food.  I recently have been getting a lot of questions about how big the dishes are at my restaurant.  These inquiries have gone way beyond the "I don't want a huge amount of food" type of people.

Just the other night, a couple kept me for longer than needed at the table because of their questions about the size of all of our fish entrees.  In my college nutrition class, I was taught that a serving size of fish should be no bigger than the size of a check book.  Unfortunately, nobody knows what the hell a checkbook is anymore.

So I'm stuck using my hands to describe the size of the fish.  But if you were watching me, you probably would be thinking that I was describing the size of my penis by the way I was showing the distance between my thumb and fingers.  By as it may, a serving size of fish is about the size of an average penis.

But customers don't even grasp the idea of inches or weight.  I still get stuck with,

"Is that a lot of food.  I'm not really THAT hungry."

So I can now add "dietician" to the many roles that servers play.  Here's an idea:  Order what you want, and when you don't feel hungry anymore, STOP EATING!  Just because it's in front of you doesn't mean it has to go in your mouth.  And I am talking about food here, not what I had mentioned in the above paragraphs.

The same goes for the people who want to try a "taste" of all the wines like they're at Yogurtland.  And by no means is that a slam to Yogurtland.  Yogurtland is saving America as far as me, my wife and dog are concerned.  But I don't see how having a "taste" of many different varietals of wine is going to help you select one.  As far as I'm concerned, you are making me waste my time walking back and forth between the bar and the table just so you can get a free buzz.

I actually got this question from this couple from the other night,

"Which Rose Champagne is the most effervescent?"

And that was asked by the husband.  Effervescent?  Isn't that the name of a band?  Wait, that's "Evanescence."  But I tell you what, I can eat a bunch of beans and then I can be effervescent.  Sound good?  And I believe that would be the anus varietal.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro






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