Skip to main content

Dating Advice From Your Server

I have witnessed many first dates throughout my shifts.  Some of them successful; most of them bad.  There have been some signs of how the date is going that I have picked up on and noted.  Being a server in these situations is kind of like being the third wheel on a friend date.  I am there for support, but I can't say anything except to offer them more booze and bread.



Here are some things I have noticed:

If I see a cell phone on the table at any point in the dinner, the date is over.

If a second drink is ordered in-between apps and entrees, the date is being forced.

If both people are missing by the time I return to check on how the food is, then the date is being consummated.

There is a dating service called, "It's Just Lunch," where they bring together two possible matches and have them meet at a random restaurant for a first date.  And most of these dates are at night, so calling it, "It's Just Lunch" already sets things off on a bad foot.  These dates seem awkward and forced.  On one date, the guy was rapid-firing questions at the girl like he was a college admissions officer and her college career was on the line.

"What do you like?"

"Where do you live?"

"How long did it take you to get here?"

"I had sushi one time.  Have you ever had it?"

"Do you like sitting in booths, or do you prefer tables?"

And then these dates end with each person getting their own check.  This ends up being awkward for me because a lot of times, I'll present two checks, and the guy will get annoyed with me and demand that I put both checks on his credit card.  Justice was mine on the last occasion this happened because his card declined, and while I usually tell customers discreetly about this, this time I just told him directly.

"I couldn't put both checks on your credit card--"

"--what's the problem?" he interrupted.

"The problem is that your card declined.  What you like to use another form of payment?  Unfortunately, we don't accept I.O.U.'s anymore."



Pay close attention to how your date treats your server.  And I mean throughout the entire service.  Because sometimes they might start out nice, but then they start to come out of their shell, and they get more and more demanding and short with their server.  This goes for guys and girls.  Because, if they are not nice to the server, they are going to treat you horribly as well.  I think the wife character from the movie, "Gone Girl," was known for treating servers poorly.  And look how that relationship ended up.

The best dates I had in my section are the ones that admitted right away how awkward the situation was, and let it go from there.  In fact, I should get credit for successful first dates, and even more credit for crappy first dates.

Ah, amore.  

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."









ITUNES
STITCHER
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done.  Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money.  WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian.  But I adore this building.  So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com .  One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers.  And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent?  So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet.  And so on, and so on...  Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out.  T...
89 comments
Read more

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a...
31 comments
Read more

You Got Yelped!!!

As my quest to take down Yelp.com continues, I found another Yelper who continually pushes the boundaries of common decency, and deserves to be outed.  So here I go: Meet Ben P . Or, excuse me, Ben "Benitos" P.  (Whatever the hell that means!)  He seemed to have found his way into Beverly Hills and expected the red carpet to be rolled out for him because he thinks that he is somebody.  Actually, he claims to be a(n) "Iron Yelper America," as it says on his Yelp profile.  When in actuality, Ben is no more than one of the many disillusioned Yelpers who probably should've gotten his ass kicked a bit more on the playground when he was a kid.  (Again, I don't condone violence, but there is something to be said for somebody FINALLY learning their lesson.) Wow I knew going in this place was not going to be good. Right from the start?  How have you made this far in life, Ben?  That should've been the moment for you to turn around and leave. ...
11 comments
Read more