Skip to main content

The New Drunk

I bartended another fraternity/sorority party for USC again at my work.  I think I might be getting some sort of reputation as a bartender at that school.  Once again, I irritated one of the frat boys to the point of them throwing a tantrum... and I loved it!

This dude comes up to my bar and asks for an A.M.F.  (Adios Mother Fucker.)  Basically a "Long Island Ice Tea," but without the Coke, instead Blue Curacao.  I started to make the drink and I noticed something odd with the guy.  While he's gently swaying back and forth, I see that his eyes are closed.  He was SLEEPING STANDING UP!

I look over at the security guy who was stationed at my bar and give him the "can you believe this shit" look.  He looks shocked.  I put the alcohol bottles down and instead put water in the glass I was using.  The frat dude, who's still asleep, notices nothing.  I then begin to wave my hand in front of the guy's face to see if he's actually out.  He finally opens his eyes.

"Good morning sunshine!" I say.

"I'm fine," he says while looking down at the glass of water.  "Is that all alcohol?"

"If you want it to be," I answer.

"That's water!  I want an A.M.F."

"I don't think that's a good idea," I reply.

"Why not?"

"Because you were sleeping at my bar."

"No.  I'm fine.  I was just waiting for you to make my drink."

"Most people don't pass out while they wait," I say.  "It's just common courtesy.  Stick with the water.  You'll be fine."

"I'll just have a little bit," and he drinks some of the water.  Then he puts the glass down.  "Now I'll have an A.M.F."

"My answer is still no.  But congrats on being able to sleep standing up.  That must come in handy in crowded rooms."

"I WASN'T SLEEPING!  I'M FINE!" He rebuts.

Then I turn to the security guy.  "Was he not asleep for a couple of seconds?"  He nods.  "There you go."

Then "Drunky" goes over to the security guy and tells him that he's okay to have another drink.  The security guy tells him that if the bartender cuts him off then it's over.  So he comes back over to me.  And I've noticed that his complexion has turned a bit redder.

"I'm okay to have another drink.  Yes!"

"No."

He turns and storms off.  Reaches into his pocket and pulls out his wallet and throws it as hard as he can on the floor with a (SMACK!)  Then he stumbles to try to pick it up.

Another security guy comes out of nowhere and picks him up with one arm and throws the kid out.  I'll say this about USC frat guys, they have durable wallets.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro




FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER CLICK HERE
"LIKE" ME ON FACEBOOK CLICK HERE

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You Got Yelp!!!

What better way to get through the work week than to pick on the people who's parents truly should have considered contraceptives before having sex, the people who write negative reviews on Yelp.com. As always, I have found someone who embodies the spirit of "douchebaggery."  Who alone, stands to make a mark on the world because he is THAT important.  (And by mark, I mean skid mark.) Scott B., from Beverly Hills, CA makes the list.  His review is short, direct, and abrupt, because he's "got places to go people!"  Here's what Scott had to say about one restaurant in Los Angeles: "If you have an unlimited amount of time and an equally unlimited amount of patience, than this place might be worth it."  It's nice to see that Scott was stepping out of his box to test himself on this theory. "If I ever indeed got serviced within the time frame I had to eat, I might chance the food again!"   Since Scott is obviously an alien, h
Post a Comment
Read more

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done.  Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money.  WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian.  But I adore this building.  So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com .  One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers.  And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent?  So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet.  And so on, and so on...  Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out.  There are ways t
89 comments
Read more

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a
31 comments
Read more