Skip to main content

Kryptonian Old Men


I've never understood why "older" people always think that the music is too loud, but yet, they always yell "WHAT!" whenever I am talking to them face-to-face.  It must be a case of very selective hearing, or a matter of habit.  But nonetheless, it is humorous whenever it happens.  I find most of the antics that "older" people do are funny, and unfiltered.  And yes, I am putting this demographic in quotes because I don't want to just say old people, or worse yet, old bags, and piss off a good portion of my readers.

On a recent shift, my section was filled with an "older" clientele.  It reminded me when I used to work at The Gardens on Glendon in Westwood, CA.  The owners, Marilyn and Harry Lewis, used to own all of the Hamburger Hamlet around Los Angeles.  The Gardens (former Hamlet Gardens) was their fine dining experience.  That was back in the day.  But by the time I started working there, it had become a mess hall at a convalescent home.


So like I said, I was busy running J&B scotch on the rocks, and Dubonnets to my four tops.  I had one table on the end of my section that was still open.  The lead hostess at my work made sure to seat that table as quickly as possible to ensure that I stayed "weeded" throughout my entire shift.  That was protocol.

Three "older" people were sat at that table.  An "older" couple with their third wheel "older" friend.  This table was the oldest of my section.  But I have a way with this clientele.  I think they see me as some type of grandson that they can boss around for a couple of hours without giving me any birthday money.  Right away, the third wheel asks me,

"Is this the quietest section you have?"

"The noise level is pretty equal throughout the entire restaurant," I replied.

Then he motioned to the couples seating next to them.  "They are talking loud."

"Well I'll put a stop to that," I said.  Just to acknowledge that I had heard what he said.  What the hell was I supposed to do.  Make an announcement:

"MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION.  DO TO RECENT COMPLAINTS OF LOUD TALKING, WOULD EVERYONE PLEASE STOP HAVING SUCH A GOOD TIME!!!  THANK YOU."

Somehow, I managed to make sure everybody had a good time that night.  Or so I thought.  Here's where the "older" guy got one in on me.  Everybody was done.  My two four tops had already paid their checks, and were just finishing up their coffees and conversations.  Next thing I know, the third wheel from my last table turns to the four top and starts talking to them.  I just figured that he may have known them.  But the lady from the four top looks at me with a look of "can you f#$king believe this guy?"  I quickly go over to her and she says that the third wheel told them that they are talking too loud and should keep it down.  That's when I noticed that her husband sitting across from her was in a heated argument with the third wheel.  She calmed her husband down, and they left in a huff.  I'm just glad that I already got their tip before this happened or this blog post would've had a completely different premise.

The three top was my last table.  I picked up their signed check and the third wheel says,

"I couldn't hear the conversation at my own table because those couples were talking so loud!  So I told them to keep it down.  You should have done that," he protested.

"It must be a burden with that super hearing.  I'm surprised you were able to sit still when the fire trucks screamed by.  By the way, I love your son's new movie-- Man of Steel."

Kryptonians are so demanding!

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER CLICK HERE        

Comments

Anonymous said…
The worst is when they always ask to turn down the music or air. Noooooooooo!!!! What if someone else get's hot or likes the music volume...selfish!!!

Popular posts from this blog

A Letter to Yelpers

Dear Yelpers:

You think you're smart.  Nope.  You think you're cool.  Wrong again.  You think this is the popularity that you have been yearning to have since high school.  (BUZZ!)  Incorrect.

It's time for you to take the energy that you put into your Yelping, and focus your attention on yourself.  Your "opinion" is not important.  The fact that your meal was ruined by the color of your server's apron, or the shape of the plates, or that they didn't give you anything for free on your birthday just means that you were not a planned pregnancy, and you should be grateful that you made it to full term.

Ouch!  That hurts, doesn't it?  Well, do you think that destroying someone's business is okay?  That demeaning your server or bartender makes you look like you know what you're talking about?  If your opinion REALLY mattered, (it doesn't,) then you should crawl out from your hiding space where you Yelp on your laptop, and talk to someone face-…

Cover My Shift!!!

The anxiety of trying to get your shift covered at a serving job ranks up there with wondering if the pee stick is going to turn positive or negative after a long night of having shots with your coworkers, and you ended up hooking up with one of them.  Eventually, the pregnancy scare turns out to be negative, you get your shift covered, and everything is right with the world.

But trying to get your shift covered is never easy.  Especially when you feel like you go out of your way to cover other people's shifts when they ask, but when the time comes for you to ask them, it becomes an entire ordeal.

"Hey Steve, would you be able to cover my shift next Wednesday night?  My parents are going to be in town," I asked last Saturday night.

"I might be able to, but I won't know until Tuesday.  Can I get back to you then?" Steve replied.

"That's cutting it close," I said.  "Would you be able to tell me by Monday?"

"I can't cause I h…

Don't Forget Your Teeth

An older lady was dining with her husband, granddaughter, and her granddaughter's boyfriend one night, when the old lady turns to me and says,

"What do you have that's soft to eat?  I forgot my teeth."

Who the hell forgets their teeth?  Let me get this straight, when you looked at yourself in the mirror before you left, you didn't notice something was missing when you smiled?


"I know how you feel," I said, "sometimes I forget my phone.  I feel lost without it."  She just looked at me as if she didn't know what I meant by that because she still uses a rotary phone.  (Look it up.)

I explained that we have soups that she could have, but she was concerned about her choices for salad.  She and her family were using a Groupon, so they had to select from the items on the prefixed menu.

"Is the salad soft?" she asked.

"I could have the kitchen chop it fine for you.  That would make it easier to eat." I replied.  I was also g…