Saturday, June 1, 2013

Customer Quotes


They say it, (the customers,) and sometimes I can't believe it.  But these are words that came from the mouths of human beings that sat it my section while I was clocked in.

It's been awhile, but it's time again to list some ACTUAL customer quotes and then of course followed by my (smart - ass) answer that I would have said, if we lived in a perfect world.

"I would like my Lamb rare, but pink."
If a chef could cook a piece of meat rare and got it to come out looking pink, then that chef would be a pioneer. If you order something rare, you had better like the color red, because that's what you are going to get, bloody red.

"Do your salads have any greens in them?"

Are you friends with the pink-rare-Lamb lady?  How long have you been on this planet and not seen some kind of salad that didn't have greens in it?  Yes, I know of some salads that don't have greens.  For example, the caprese salad.  Which traditionally is buffalo mozzarella and heirloom tomatoes.  But that salad is garnished with basil, which is GREEN.  

"Can I order room service to my room?"
No.  Actually we would prefer that you order it to your private residence.  But when it gets there, feel free to take it to your room.

"I'm trying to decide between the fish, the chicken, or the steak.  Which one is better?"
It's better that you leave.  That's better.  And while you're gone, look up what fish, chicken, and steaks are and look like.

"Bring us more Champagne.  The kids want to pop their own bottles."
Of course sir.  A family that pops Champagne together, is probably Persian.

"I don't like the steak knife you gave me.  Can you go get me one of the cook's knives?"
The only time a chef would bring out one of their knives, would be to stab you."

More customer quotes to follow...

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

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3 comments:

Corina said...

Can I use 1 of the chef's knives! Seriously..? people get dumber with every passing day! And yes when I was a cook, I would have stabbed someone that tried to take my knife! I honestly don't know how servers don't go postal sometimes!

Anonymous said...

Here is my favourite gem from about 2 years ago. This was said in response to a description of a dessert containing honey: "I'm allergic to bees, I can't eat honey!"*sigh*

Bitter. Party of 1 said...

Hopefully that person will get attacked by a bear who was looking for honey.