Skip to main content

More Actual Customer Quotes!



You seriously cannot make this stuff up.  Yes, these are actual human beings, who have come into the restaurants that I've worked at, and said these things to me.  As per usual, I will give you the actual quote, followed by my italicized commentary which I may or may not have said to the customer at that time.  Enjoy!

"Can I order room service to my room?"  I actually caught myself making a WTF? face at this person.  No, actually we'd prefer it if you would order room service to your car.  Then drive the hell away from here!

"I'm trying to decide between the fish, the steak, or the chicken.  Which one is better?"  Me:"What are you in the mood for?"  Them:"I think chicken.  But I could like fish or steak."  Customers like this woman makes me think that I did some horrible things in a past life, and they are my purgatory.

"Bring us more champagne.  The little ones need to have bottles to pop open."  Of course.  Because what parent doesn't want their child pointing a champagne bottle at somebody and trying to force it open?  Enjoy your New Years in Juvi, kid!

"When does it get busy?"  "Why aren't there more people here?"  So now, I not only need to be a server, but a promoter as well.  Give me a second.  I'll send out a few tweets to get some people in here.

"I don't like your steak knives!  Can you bring me one of the Chef's knifes?"  They only way a Chef is going to let a customer put their hands on one of their knifes is after the Chef stabbed them with it, and the customer was pulling the knife out of their neck.

"I don't want the potatoes that come with the Salmon.  So I don't want to pay the full price."  Certainly!  We are actually a 'pay-what-you-can-restaurant.'  Because each item on the plate is priced individually.

"I want my Lamb rare, but pink."  Yes, because blood comes in lovely pastel shades of pink, and slight hues of red.  People, there is no in-between!  You order options are:  Rare.  Med-rare.  Medium.  Med-well.  And well-done.  (Breathe)

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a

You Got Yelped!!!

As my quest to take down Yelp.com continues, I found another Yelper who continually pushes the boundaries of common decency, and deserves to be outed.  So here I go: Meet Ben P . Or, excuse me, Ben "Benitos" P.  (Whatever the hell that means!)  He seemed to have found his way into Beverly Hills and expected the red carpet to be rolled out for him because he thinks that he is somebody.  Actually, he claims to be a(n) "Iron Yelper America," as it says on his Yelp profile.  When in actuality, Ben is no more than one of the many disillusioned Yelpers who probably should've gotten his ass kicked a bit more on the playground when he was a kid.  (Again, I don't condone violence, but there is something to be said for somebody FINALLY learning their lesson.) Wow I knew going in this place was not going to be good. Right from the start?  How have you made this far in life, Ben?  That should've been the moment for you to turn around and leave.  And not

The Bitter Bistro Throughout the Last Decade--Year 2012

The past decade brought me such wonderful things like, customers who have peed on lounge floors, customers who have yelled at me from across the restaurant because they wanted to know if "anybody worked here," and customers who seem to think that purchasing an item entitles them to stay well-passed closing. That last one is a bitch!  Because closing time has always been a sensitive subject for people who work in the service industry.  Why?  Because we want to go f@*king home!  I'm all for you having a good time and enjoying your dining experience, but when it's time to close, GTFO! It's been an on-going problem throughout the past decade.  This was my post from 2012 . I now finally understand where the inspiration came from Semisonic's song, "Closing Time."  They HAD  to have worked in the service industry!   Because where else do people feel compelled to continue to hang out and try to order more things than a restaurant that is ALREADY c