More Actual Customer Quotes!

You seriously cannot make this stuff up. Yes, these are actual human beings, who have come into the restaurants that I've worked at, and said these things to me. As per usual, I will give you the actual quote, followed by my italicized commentary which I may or may not have said to the customer at that time. Enjoy!

"Can I order room service to my room?" I actually caught myself making a WTF? face at this person. No, actually we'd prefer it if you would order room service to your car. Then drive the hell away from here!

"I'm trying to decide between the fish, the steak, or the chicken. Which one is better?" Me:"What are you in the mood for?" Them:"I think chicken. But I could like fish or steak." Customers like this woman makes me think that I did some horrible things in a past life, and they are my purgatory.

"Bring us more champagne. The little ones need to have bottles to pop open." Of course. Because what parent doesn't want their child pointing a champagne bottle at somebody and trying to force it open? Enjoy your New Years in Juvi, kid!

"When does it get busy?" "Why aren't there more people here?" So now, I not only need to be a server, but a promoter as well. Give me a second. I'll send out a few tweets to get some people in here.

"I don't like your steak knives! Can you bring me one of the Chef's knifes?" They only way a Chef is going to let a customer put their hands on one of their knifes is after the Chef stabbed them with it, and the customer was pulling the knife out of their neck.

"I don't want the potatoes that come with the Salmon. So I don't want to pay the full price." Certainly! We are actually a 'pay-what-you-can-restaurant.' Because each item on the plate is priced individually.

"I want my Lamb rare, but pink." Yes, because blood comes in lovely pastel shades of pink, and slight hues of red. People, there is no in-between! You order options are: Rare. Med-rare. Medium. Med-well. And well-done. (Breathe)

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Comments

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done. Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money. WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian. But I adore this building. So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com . One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers. And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent? So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet. And so on, and so on... Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out. There are ways t

Breast Milk Macchiato

There are too many choices for milk nowadays. Organic. Almond. Breast? Soon "breast milk" will be the new craze everywhere, and people will be ordering it for their Lattes thanks to the constant problem of breast feeding in restaurants. The policia teta have been called upon again to smack the cuffs on the latest perpetrators of breast feeders in restaurants. This isn't the first, nor will it be the last time. But to celebrate my 100th Bitter Bistro post, what better way to celebrate then to debate the issues of breast feeding in restaurants. I am going to say that I am "pro boob," but I am against them being out to feed your child while you are dining in a restaurant. I get it. It's natural, it's best for your child, but most people go out to a restaurant for a good time, and your breast-feeding is not included in the price of an entree. "Waiter! Can you do something about this? That woman's breast is exposed and I'm try

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant. Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10. SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round. This table's too brown. This table's just right." You are not buying real estate. So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous. The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses. And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a

The Bitter Bistro

Search This Blog