Skip to main content

More Actual Customer Quotes!



You seriously cannot make this stuff up.  Yes, these are actual human beings, who have come into the restaurants that I've worked at, and said these things to me.  As per usual, I will give you the actual quote, followed by my italicized commentary which I may or may not have said to the customer at that time.  Enjoy!

"Can I order room service to my room?"  I actually caught myself making a WTF? face at this person.  No, actually we'd prefer it if you would order room service to your car.  Then drive the hell away from here!

"I'm trying to decide between the fish, the steak, or the chicken.  Which one is better?"  Me:"What are you in the mood for?"  Them:"I think chicken.  But I could like fish or steak."  Customers like this woman makes me think that I did some horrible things in a past life, and they are my purgatory.

"Bring us more champagne.  The little ones need to have bottles to pop open."  Of course.  Because what parent doesn't want their child pointing a champagne bottle at somebody and trying to force it open?  Enjoy your New Years in Juvi, kid!

"When does it get busy?"  "Why aren't there more people here?"  So now, I not only need to be a server, but a promoter as well.  Give me a second.  I'll send out a few tweets to get some people in here.

"I don't like your steak knives!  Can you bring me one of the Chef's knifes?"  They only way a Chef is going to let a customer put their hands on one of their knifes is after the Chef stabbed them with it, and the customer was pulling the knife out of their neck.

"I don't want the potatoes that come with the Salmon.  So I don't want to pay the full price."  Certainly!  We are actually a 'pay-what-you-can-restaurant.'  Because each item on the plate is priced individually.

"I want my Lamb rare, but pink."  Yes, because blood comes in lovely pastel shades of pink, and slight hues of red.  People, there is no in-between!  You order options are:  Rare.  Med-rare.  Medium.  Med-well.  And well-done.  (Breathe)

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done.  Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money.  WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian.  But I adore this building.  So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com .  One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers.  And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent?  So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet.  And so on, and so on...  Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out.  There are ways t

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a

The Bitter Bistro Throughout the Last Decade--Year 2012

The past decade brought me such wonderful things like, customers who have peed on lounge floors, customers who have yelled at me from across the restaurant because they wanted to know if "anybody worked here," and customers who seem to think that purchasing an item entitles them to stay well-passed closing. That last one is a bitch!  Because closing time has always been a sensitive subject for people who work in the service industry.  Why?  Because we want to go f@*king home!  I'm all for you having a good time and enjoying your dining experience, but when it's time to close, GTFO! It's been an on-going problem throughout the past decade.  This was my post from 2012 . I now finally understand where the inspiration came from Semisonic's song, "Closing Time."  They HAD  to have worked in the service industry!   Because where else do people feel compelled to continue to hang out and try to order more things than a restaurant that is ALREADY c