"What do you have that's soft to eat? I forgot my teeth."
Who the hell forgets their teeth? Let me get this straight, when you looked at yourself in the mirror before you left, you didn't notice something was missing when you smiled?
"I know how you feel," I said, "sometimes I forget my phone. I feel lost without it." She just looked at me as if she didn't know what I meant by that because she still uses a rotary phone. (Look it up.)
I explained that we have soups that she could have, but she was concerned about her choices for salad. She and her family were using a Groupon, so they had to select from the items on the prefixed menu.
"Is the salad soft?" she asked.
"I could have the kitchen chop it fine for you. That would make it easier to eat." I replied. I was also going to suggest that our food runner, Gerry, chew the food for her and then feed to her like a mama bird. But I managed to keep my mouth closed on that one.
The first course arrived for everybody, and the old lady was enjoying her soup. Then she calls me over to ask for another spoon so her granddaughter can share the soup.
"I'll get you one," I answered. And I grabbed a spoon and quickly returned to see that the old lady was indeed sharing her soup, but she had managed to pour the granddaughter's portion onto her bread-plate. (I'll give you a second for this one.) Let me type that again, she poured the portion of soup she was going to share with her granddaughter on a bread-plate!
I turned to the granddaughter and said, "enjoy your puddle of soup."
Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.
"Bitter. Party of 1? Your table is ready."
IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!