Don't Forget Your Teeth

An older lady was dining with her husband, granddaughter, and her granddaughter's boyfriend one night, when the old lady turns to me and says,

"What do you have that's soft to eat? I forgot my teeth."

Who the hell forgets their teeth? Let me get this straight, when you looked at yourself in the mirror before you left, you didn't notice something was missing when you smiled?

"I know how you feel," I said, "sometimes I forget my phone. I feel lost without it." She just looked at me as if she didn't know what I meant by that because she still uses a rotary phone. (Look it up.)

I explained that we have soups that she could have, but she was concerned about her choices for salad. She and her family were using a Groupon, so they had to select from the items on the prefixed menu.

"Is the salad soft?" she asked.

"I could have the kitchen chop it fine for you. That would make it easier to eat." I replied. I was also going to suggest that our food runner, Gerry, chew the food for her and then feed to her like a mama bird. But I managed to keep my mouth closed on that one.

The first course arrived for everybody, and the old lady was enjoying her soup. Then she calls me over to ask for another spoon so her granddaughter can share the soup.

"I'll get you one," I answered. And I grabbed a spoon and quickly returned to see that the old lady was indeed sharing her soup, but she had managed to pour the granddaughter's portion onto her bread-plate. (I'll give you a second for this one.) Let me type that again, she poured the portion of soup she was going to share with her granddaughter on a bread-plate!

I turned to the granddaughter and said, "enjoy your puddle of soup."

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of 1? Your table is ready."

ITUNES
STITCHER
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!

Comments

ELLE said…

You're Hilarious!!

June 2, 2015 at 4:29 PM

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done. Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money. WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian. But I adore this building. So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com . One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers. And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent? So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet. And so on, and so on... Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out. T...

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant. Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10. SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round. This table's too brown. This table's just right." You are not buying real estate. So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous. The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses. And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a...

I'll Show You How to Wait!!!

Customers love being waited on hand and foot. But there are some customers who love to tell me HOW to wait on them hand and foot. I call these customers "waiter watchers." They weigh their waiter down with all of the crap that they tell them they should be doing, and when they should be doing it. One time I was serving a table of five, and everybody had order an appetizer and an entree. But one person in the party had ordered a salad in addition to his appetizer. I asked him when he wanted to have his salad served, and he told me to bring it before everyone got their appetizer. So that's what I did. Next thing I know, I'm getting pulled aside by the guy who is host of the group. "Why did you only bring out the salad and nobody else's food?" He demanded. "Your friend had asked that I bring his salad first so he could get it out of the way, since he ordered more food than everybody else," I pleaded. "You should bring all ...

The Bitter Bistro

Search This Blog