Bike vs Car. Car Weighs More, but Bike Acts Like Car

I drive through Beverly Hills when I go to work. Besides the usual annoying things like Bentleys, Porsches, and Maseratis; me having to ignore all of the texting and driving--because apparently if you have money, you're exempt from this law. That leaves me with the bicyclists, and they are the worst of the bunch. They are the worst because they think that they're cars too.

Since when does a bike outweigh a car? I got A's in Chemistry so I'm going to confidently say that a car outweighs a bike. Even if the person riding the bike is morbidly obese, my car still outweighs the bicycle package. But bicyclists still act like they are a semi-truck driver, barreling down the road, on the way to make a delivery to the supermarket, while peeing in a wide-mouth-jug.

My last encounter involved a guy riding his bike right in the middle of the road. Just to give you a visual, there are two lanes going in each direction. But those two lanes are packed with cars desperately trying to cut each other off, in order to save 15 seconds so when they arrive at their destination they can give a shorter apology for being late.

This guy doesn't move left, and he doesn't move right. He stayed smack in the middle, and ignored any sign that there was a car behind him. That car was me.

I give the "Hello?" horn honk as a courtesy. He turns around and courteously gives me the finger. I can't go around him because I've got an older woman driving a Cadillac to my right, and she is drifting around her lane like a boat that didn't get tied down in the marina.

We go a couple of more blocks and I see that a bike lane has started on the righthand side. I know that the bike lane has started because it had a sign that said, "Begin Bike Lane." Again, I honk. He turns around and I motion that he should move over to the bike lane. He doesn't get what I am pointing at, but instead he decides to ride along the side of my car.

Our conversation went as follows:

Bike Guy: "What the fuck?"

Me: "No thanks. I was just telling you that there's a bike lane over there. ALL FOR YOU!."

And I pulled away. Because another thing a car can do better than a bike, is go faster.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of 1? Your table is ready."

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