Skip to main content

Bike vs Car. Car Weighs More, but Bike Acts Like Car

I drive through Beverly Hills when I go to work.  Besides the usual annoying things like Bentleys, Porsches, and Maseratis; me having to ignore all of the texting and driving--because apparently if you have money, you're exempt from this law.  That leaves me with the bicyclists, and they are the worst of the bunch.  They are the worst because they think that they're cars too.

Since when does a bike outweigh a car?  I got A's in Chemistry so I'm going to confidently say that a car outweighs a bike.  Even if the person riding the bike is morbidly obese, my car still outweighs the bicycle package.  But bicyclists still act like they are a semi-truck driver, barreling down the road, on the way to make a delivery to the supermarket, while peeing in a wide-mouth-jug.

My last encounter involved a guy riding his bike right in the middle of the road.  Just to give you a visual, there are two lanes going in each direction.  But those two lanes are packed with cars desperately trying to cut each other off, in order to save 15 seconds so when they arrive at their destination they can give a shorter apology for being late.

This guy doesn't move left, and he doesn't move right.  He stayed smack in the middle, and ignored any sign that there was a car behind him.  That car was me.

I give the "Hello?" horn honk as a courtesy.  He turns around and courteously gives me the finger.  I can't go around him because I've got an older woman driving a Cadillac to my right, and she is drifting around her lane like a boat that didn't get tied down in the marina.

We go a couple of more blocks and I see that a bike lane has started on the righthand side.  I know that the bike lane has started because it had a sign that said, "Begin Bike Lane."  Again, I honk.  He turns around and I motion that he should move over to the bike lane.  He doesn't get what I am pointing at, but instead he decides to ride along the side of my car.

Our conversation went as follows:

Bike Guy:  "What the fuck?"

Me:  "No thanks.  I was just telling you that there's a bike lane over there.  ALL FOR YOU!."

And I pulled away.  Because another thing a car can do better than a bike, is go faster.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."










ITUNES
STITCHER
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done.  Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money.  WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian.  But I adore this building.  So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com .  One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers.  And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent?  So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet.  And so on, and so on...  Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out.  There are ways t

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a

Breast Milk Macchiato

There are too many choices for milk nowadays.  Organic.  Almond.  Breast? Soon "breast milk" will be the new craze everywhere, and people will be ordering it for their Lattes thanks to the constant problem of breast feeding in restaurants. The policia teta have been called upon again to smack the cuffs on the latest perpetrators of breast feeders in restaurants.  This isn't the first, nor will it be the last time.  But to celebrate my 100th Bitter Bistro post, what better way to celebrate then to debate the issues of breast feeding in restaurants. I am going to say that I am "pro boob," but I am against them being out to feed your child while you are dining in a restaurant.  I get it.  It's natural, it's best for your child, but most people go out to a restaurant for a good time, and your breast-feeding is not included in the price of an entree. "Waiter!  Can you do something about this?  That woman's breast is exposed and I'm try