Skip to main content

How Not To Order Drinks At A Bar

The other night, I found myself back behind the bar again.  The restaurant had another buyout from USC, so I was once again entranced with the likes of Tommy Trojan.

One thing that they don't teach at this university is how to behave at a bar.  The following were actual interactions that I had while behind the bar:




An Asian girl walks up to my bar, and I ask her what she would like to drink.

"Vodka."

"Vodka and what?" I ask.

"Vodka." she says.

"One vodka and vodka coming right up."

Then I had the pleasure of another gentleman come up to the bar and order his drink.  He was okay with his ordering, but what wasn't okay was the way he smelled.  He smelled like farts.  Not like he had farted and it followed him, but his body odor was farts.  Needless to say, he had a shitty personality.

My last story revolves around a girl who ordered a drink that I have never heard of before at a bar.  Not that she ordered a cocktail that I had never heard of, but an alcohol and a mixer that should never be said out loud again.

"I want a whiskey and Dr. Pepper," she ordered.

I couldn't help but laugh.  What bar has Dr. Pepper?!  Gotta love the Trojans.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."










TWITTER
PODCAST
FACEBOOK
THE BITTER BISTRO

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Letter to Yelpers

Dear Yelpers:

You think you're smart.  Nope.  You think you're cool.  Wrong again.  You think this is the popularity that you have been yearning to have since high school.  (BUZZ!)  Incorrect.

It's time for you to take the energy that you put into your Yelping, and focus your attention on yourself.  Your "opinion" is not important.  The fact that your meal was ruined by the color of your server's apron, or the shape of the plates, or that they didn't give you anything for free on your birthday just means that you were not a planned pregnancy, and you should be grateful that you made it to full term.

Ouch!  That hurts, doesn't it?  Well, do you think that destroying someone's business is okay?  That demeaning your server or bartender makes you look like you know what you're talking about?  If your opinion REALLY mattered, (it doesn't,) then you should crawl out from your hiding space where you Yelp on your laptop, and talk to someone face-…

Cover My Shift!!!

The anxiety of trying to get your shift covered at a serving job ranks up there with wondering if the pee stick is going to turn positive or negative after a long night of having shots with your coworkers, and you ended up hooking up with one of them.  Eventually, the pregnancy scare turns out to be negative, you get your shift covered, and everything is right with the world.

But trying to get your shift covered is never easy.  Especially when you feel like you go out of your way to cover other people's shifts when they ask, but when the time comes for you to ask them, it becomes an entire ordeal.

"Hey Steve, would you be able to cover my shift next Wednesday night?  My parents are going to be in town," I asked last Saturday night.

"I might be able to, but I won't know until Tuesday.  Can I get back to you then?" Steve replied.

"That's cutting it close," I said.  "Would you be able to tell me by Monday?"

"I can't cause I h…

Don't Forget Your Teeth

An older lady was dining with her husband, granddaughter, and her granddaughter's boyfriend one night, when the old lady turns to me and says,

"What do you have that's soft to eat?  I forgot my teeth."

Who the hell forgets their teeth?  Let me get this straight, when you looked at yourself in the mirror before you left, you didn't notice something was missing when you smiled?


"I know how you feel," I said, "sometimes I forget my phone.  I feel lost without it."  She just looked at me as if she didn't know what I meant by that because she still uses a rotary phone.  (Look it up.)

I explained that we have soups that she could have, but she was concerned about her choices for salad.  She and her family were using a Groupon, so they had to select from the items on the prefixed menu.

"Is the salad soft?" she asked.

"I could have the kitchen chop it fine for you.  That would make it easier to eat." I replied.  I was also g…