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Look! Up in the sky. It's a ... (plop!)


I can now add a new job for servers to handle during their shifts, "bird crap consultant."

During a recent shift, (at a restaurant that has a retractable roof to allow the illusion of an outdoor dining experience,) one of my tables calls me over with a request.

"Yes ladies?"  I asked.

"A bird crapped on our table.  Do something," she barked.

"You know that's good luck.  Mazel Tov?!" I joked.  But somehow I knew that they wouldn't appreciate my humor.  And I was right.

"It almost landed on us.  What if it had gone in our food?"

"I would not have let you eat it."  I assured her.

And if this bird had wanted to crap on these (dimwits,) it would have.  The crap actually landed on the front half of the table, completely missing them... (damn't!)  Trust me, I would have gotten no greater joy than to have had one of my crappy customers get crapped on.  Either by a bird, dog, or myself.

I ened up grabbing a towel and wiping the table clean, laughed as I told my manager about it, and he ended up buying the women dessert.  Because like I've stated in previous posts, desserts pacify the savage-collagen-injected beast.

Lesson learned for people eating at an outdoor patio, or an area like that, there's a chance that it might rain, or be too warm, or you might get crapped on.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

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