Look! Up in the sky. It's a ... (plop!)

I can now add a new job for servers to handle during their shifts, "bird crap consultant."

During a recent shift, (at a restaurant that has a retractable roof to allow the illusion of an outdoor dining experience,) one of my tables calls me over with a request.

"Yes ladies?" I asked.

"A bird crapped on our table. Do something," she barked.

"You know that's good luck. Mazel Tov?!" I joked. But somehow I knew that they wouldn't appreciate my humor. And I was right.

"It almost landed on us. What if it had gone in our food?"

"I would not have let you eat it." I assured her.

And if this bird had wanted to crap on these (dimwits,) it would have. The crap actually landed on the front half of the table, completely missing them... (damn't!) Trust me, I would have gotten no greater joy than to have had one of my crappy customers get crapped on. Either by a bird, dog, or myself.

I ened up grabbing a towel and wiping the table clean, laughed as I told my manager about it, and he ended up buying the women dessert. Because like I've stated in previous posts, desserts pacify the savage-collagen-injected beast.

Lesson learned for people eating at an outdoor patio, or an area like that, there's a chance that it might rain, or be too warm, or you might get crapped on.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of 1? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

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Comments

Excuse Tips

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I'll Show You How to Wait!!!

Customers love being waited on hand and foot. But there are some customers who love to tell me HOW to wait on them hand and foot. I call these customers "waiter watchers." They weigh their waiter down with all of the crap that they tell them they should be doing, and when they should be doing it. One time I was serving a table of five, and everybody had order an appetizer and an entree. But one person in the party had ordered a salad in addition to his appetizer. I asked him when he wanted to have his salad served, and he told me to bring it before everyone got their appetizer. So that's what I did. Next thing I know, I'm getting pulled aside by the guy who is host of the group. "Why did you only bring out the salad and nobody else's food?" He demanded. "Your friend had asked that I bring his salad first so he could get it out of the way, since he ordered more food than everybody else," I pleaded. "You should bring all ...

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