I'll have the special and have you seen my kid?

McDonald's has had tremendous success incorporating playgrounds into their campaigns. There is a reason why they work: McDonald's has happy meals, dollar menus, and the playgrounds are outside.

The same is not true for restaurants. You are seated by a host, handed menus, and you are waited on by a server. When the hell did it become a good idea to let your two year old run around a restaurant, bothering other customers, and having waiters avoid running into them like a game of "Frogger?"

"He'll calm down after he tires himself out." Said the mom to me after I almost, (I said, almost,) stabbed her kid with a steak knife that I was bringing to another table.

"If you need to tire him out, he can bus Table 23 for me, and take the drink order for the couple on the patio." In other words, get your kid the f@*k out of the way. Your child may be cute, but he won't be cute after he's been run over and step on by servers, food runners, and drunk customers who unfortunately didn't see him because he was chasing after his ball the you threw for him.

I like kids, but a restaurant is an opportunity to teach them how to behave in public. And if they don't behave, as Tom Leykis would say, "Get your God damn kids out of the restaurant. Drinks are on me."

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Comments

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done. Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money. WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian. But I adore this building. So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com . One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers. And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent? So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet. And so on, and so on... Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out. There are ways t

Breast Milk Macchiato

There are too many choices for milk nowadays. Organic. Almond. Breast? Soon "breast milk" will be the new craze everywhere, and people will be ordering it for their Lattes thanks to the constant problem of breast feeding in restaurants. The policia teta have been called upon again to smack the cuffs on the latest perpetrators of breast feeders in restaurants. This isn't the first, nor will it be the last time. But to celebrate my 100th Bitter Bistro post, what better way to celebrate then to debate the issues of breast feeding in restaurants. I am going to say that I am "pro boob," but I am against them being out to feed your child while you are dining in a restaurant. I get it. It's natural, it's best for your child, but most people go out to a restaurant for a good time, and your breast-feeding is not included in the price of an entree. "Waiter! Can you do something about this? That woman's breast is exposed and I'm try

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant. Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10. SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round. This table's too brown. This table's just right." You are not buying real estate. So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous. The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses. And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a

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