Lobster and Fruit and Complaints

"The squeaky wheel gets the grease," is a horrible saying that always seems to be true. That is especially true for customers at restaurants. The ones who complain the most, seem to get what they want, and they also get it for free.

The same goes for customers who look over the entire menu, and then complain that we don't have anything that they want, and then decide that they are going to be the only person in their party who isn't going to eat. Who the hell goes out to eat, and then doesn't eat?

Recently I had a customer sitting in my section with her husband, looking confused and pouty. Yes, pouty. I was working in an Italian restaurant, and I made the mistake of assuming that the customers understand that the cuisine on the menu IS Italian food.

"Do you have fruit salad?" she asked.

She actually caught me off guard. I quickly glanced at her husband who was busy on his Blackberry, (yes, Blackberry,) but didn't get any help from him. So I responded, "No. We don't have fruit salad. We're an Italian restaurant. Italian cuisine."

"Oh." Now she was disappointed.

"Are you looking for something light? Like a salad?" I asked. Trying to steer her away from anymore embarrassment.

"Do you have lobster?"

"Yes. We actually have a fantastic lobster salad."

"Can I get lobster with fruit?"

There was nothing else I could do at this point. I had to be honest with her. "Unfortunately not. You see, lobsters don't like fruit." A la Jerry Seinfeld, "What's the deal with the FRUIT!!!"

"I'll just have a spinach salad," she finally conceded.

"Great!"

I had a feeling that she was going to try to stick it to me come dessert time. But I was prepared.

"Anything for desserts?"

"Do you have fruit?" It was as if I was in the movie, "Memento."

"We have mixed berries."

"Oh, that sounds good. I'll have that."

And just like that, a bowl of boxed berries was brought to her. And it cost twenty dollars. Hey, I don't make up the prices, I just provide exceptional service.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of 1? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Comments

You Got Yelp!!!

What better way to get through the work week than to pick on the people who's parents truly should have considered contraceptives before having sex, the people who write negative reviews on Yelp.com. As always, I have found someone who embodies the spirit of "douchebaggery." Who alone, stands to make a mark on the world because he is THAT important. (And by mark, I mean skid mark.) Scott B., from Beverly Hills, CA makes the list. His review is short, direct, and abrupt, because he's "got places to go people!" Here's what Scott had to say about one restaurant in Los Angeles: "If you have an unlimited amount of time and an equally unlimited amount of patience, than this place might be worth it." It's nice to see that Scott was stepping out of his box to test himself on this theory. "If I ever indeed got serviced within the time frame I had to eat, I might chance the food again!" Since Scott is obviously an alien, h

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done. Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money. WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian. But I adore this building. So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com . One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers. And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent? So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet. And so on, and so on... Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out. There are ways t

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant. Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10. SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round. This table's too brown. This table's just right." You are not buying real estate. So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous. The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses. And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a

The Bitter Bistro

Search This Blog