Skip to main content

Mayan Customers


Everybody is talking about the end of the world.  According to the Mayan Calendar, that's going to be tomorrow, December 21st, 2012.  I am scheduled to work, but if the world is ending, and I'm going to have to serve people, things are going to go a bit differently.

For customers, it will be easy, simply go out and have a good time.  Listen to me when I am explaining the specials.  Don't change the menu to suit your preferences.  And be ready to order when you say that you are ready to order.  If that's too difficult, then I'll just do the ordering for you.  I'm sure you won't mind paying for some Cowboy Ribeyes, and shots of Johnny Walker Blue Label.

Manager won't micro-manage.  And better yet, managers will actually be visible on the floor because they are ON the floor.  Not hiding in the office, or sneaking off to meet their dealer at some bar down the street.  If you need to hide, just leave the keys to the place with me, I know how to throw a good party.

Co-workers won't be drama queens.  There won't be any complaining that you don't have enough tables, or that your life sucks so you have to take it out on everybody else.  No complaining, period.  What more is there to complain about anyways?  The world is ending, enjoy one day of your life for Pete's sake.

Customers will order from me, and I'll bring them what they want.  We'll share a few laughs, have a shift drink, and make some money.  Isn't that how it used to be?

So when the world ends tomorrow... who am I fooling!  If the world ends tomorrow, I will not be spending my last moments waiting on customers.  I will be calling out.  My excuse?  The old "the world is ending today," story.

BTW... the new podcast is up.  Thanks again to Lauren and Ro for being so funny and honest.  Please listen, comment, and subscribe HERE.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro


Comments

Caveman said…
Great idea! I am calling in sick to tomorrow with the...end of the world...excuse!
December 21, 2012 at 3:07 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done.  Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money.  WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian.  But I adore this building.  So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com .  One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers.  And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent?  So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet.  And so on, and so on...  Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out.  T...
89 comments
Read more

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a...
31 comments
Read more

You Got Yelped!!!

As my quest to take down Yelp.com continues, I found another Yelper who continually pushes the boundaries of common decency, and deserves to be outed.  So here I go: Meet Ben P . Or, excuse me, Ben "Benitos" P.  (Whatever the hell that means!)  He seemed to have found his way into Beverly Hills and expected the red carpet to be rolled out for him because he thinks that he is somebody.  Actually, he claims to be a(n) "Iron Yelper America," as it says on his Yelp profile.  When in actuality, Ben is no more than one of the many disillusioned Yelpers who probably should've gotten his ass kicked a bit more on the playground when he was a kid.  (Again, I don't condone violence, but there is something to be said for somebody FINALLY learning their lesson.) Wow I knew going in this place was not going to be good. Right from the start?  How have you made this far in life, Ben?  That should've been the moment for you to turn around and leave. ...
11 comments
Read more