Skip to main content

Customer Sudoku


Customers like to have proof that the food is good.  I can understand.  Who the hell wants to eat something that tastes bad?  But when I go down the ENTIRE menu with you, and give you my opinion of all the dishes on the menu, then that should be that.  No other proof should be required.

Until this couple sat in my section one night...

"So what's good here?"  The wife asked.

"We're known for oak grilled steaks and fish.  A great selection of martinis.  Some of my favorites are the NY Steak, or the Fish and Chips," I said while pointing to the items on the menu.

"I don't see Fish and Chips," the wife not paying attention to where I had just pointed on the menu.

"We have it."  I smirked.  

"Are the Fish and Chips good?"  The husband asked.

"They are.  They are actually one of my favorites."  Notice the repetition going on.

"Do people order them a lot?"

"They do.  It's a pretty popular entree," What is this?  Some sort of entree popularity contest?

"Do the people who order them a lot think it's good?"  The wife asked looking me as serious as ever.

"Yes.  All of them did."  Hang on.  I'll give all those guests a call and ask them.  Give me a second while look up their numbers.  How much more do you need?!

If you don't like to take chances and try different things, I'm fine with you ordering the same thing everytime you come in.  But other then that, there will now be a three question cap on all menu questions.  Think of me like a Genie.  Think wisely about your questions.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

A Letter to Yelpers

Dear Yelpers:

You think you're smart.  Nope.  You think you're cool.  Wrong again.  You think this is the popularity that you have been yearning to have since high school.  (BUZZ!)  Incorrect.

It's time for you to take the energy that you put into your Yelping, and focus your attention on yourself.  Your "opinion" is not important.  The fact that your meal was ruined by the color of your server's apron, or the shape of the plates, or that they didn't give you anything for free on your birthday just means that you were not a planned pregnancy, and you should be grateful that you made it to full term.

Ouch!  That hurts, doesn't it?  Well, do you think that destroying someone's business is okay?  That demeaning your server or bartender makes you look like you know what you're talking about?  If your opinion REALLY mattered, (it doesn't,) then you should crawl out from your hiding space where you Yelp on your laptop, and talk to someone face-…

Cover My Shift!!!

The anxiety of trying to get your shift covered at a serving job ranks up there with wondering if the pee stick is going to turn positive or negative after a long night of having shots with your coworkers, and you ended up hooking up with one of them.  Eventually, the pregnancy scare turns out to be negative, you get your shift covered, and everything is right with the world.

But trying to get your shift covered is never easy.  Especially when you feel like you go out of your way to cover other people's shifts when they ask, but when the time comes for you to ask them, it becomes an entire ordeal.

"Hey Steve, would you be able to cover my shift next Wednesday night?  My parents are going to be in town," I asked last Saturday night.

"I might be able to, but I won't know until Tuesday.  Can I get back to you then?" Steve replied.

"That's cutting it close," I said.  "Would you be able to tell me by Monday?"

"I can't cause I h…

Don't Forget Your Teeth

An older lady was dining with her husband, granddaughter, and her granddaughter's boyfriend one night, when the old lady turns to me and says,

"What do you have that's soft to eat?  I forgot my teeth."

Who the hell forgets their teeth?  Let me get this straight, when you looked at yourself in the mirror before you left, you didn't notice something was missing when you smiled?


"I know how you feel," I said, "sometimes I forget my phone.  I feel lost without it."  She just looked at me as if she didn't know what I meant by that because she still uses a rotary phone.  (Look it up.)

I explained that we have soups that she could have, but she was concerned about her choices for salad.  She and her family were using a Groupon, so they had to select from the items on the prefixed menu.

"Is the salad soft?" she asked.

"I could have the kitchen chop it fine for you.  That would make it easier to eat." I replied.  I was also g…