Skip to main content

Most Wanted


(The above video was an actual customer of mine from a couple of years ago, dancing by himself at the restaurant, and later he walked out on his tab.  Just like Robert Stack said on Unsolved Mysteries, "If you have any information on this case, write to us at The Bitter Bistro... You need not give your name.")

Paying the bill at a restaurant is a foreign concept to many people.  Customers have walked out me on many occasions... (POOF!)... they disappear in a cloud of smoke, leaving me with an unpaid bill, and without a gratuity.  SHOCKER!  Oh wait, I forgot, I'm supposed to use your fingerprint that you left on the glass you drank from to get payment from your bank account.  Either that, or these people are Amish and they are going to get a goat or some chickens for payment.

One of my favorite walk-outs happened one night when we were moderately busy in the restaurant.  I was the closer, (meaning I was the last server on for the night,) and a half hour before we closed, I get sat with a 3 top.  (Three people.)

I approach the table to greet the one man who told me he was waiting for his two brothers.  He was wearing a "Tap Out" hat and T-shirt, and he had a thick Brooklyn accent.  I knew I was in for a good time.

"I'm a boxer.  I have 24 wins, and six losses."  He said to start our conversation. Most people usually introduce themselves with their names first, he gives his fight record.  Why not?

"I'm a server."  I replied.  "How about I start you with something to drink while you wait?"

"I'm Anthony.  I'm waiting for my two brothers.  They're MMA fighters."  Obviously, there's a lot of pride in his family.  "I'm going to be in an MMA fight if my doctor approves it.  I've already had two MMA fights and lost."  Is it me, or is there an immediate red flag when anybody needs their doctor to approve anything?  "I'll have a Long Island."  He finally ordered.

I bring him his Long Island Ice Tea, then the conversation definitely took a turn for the worse.  It was already weird you say?  I agree, but Anthony had much more to say about his fighting career, and about his love for my name.

"The doctor said he's not going to approve me for anymore fights after this one coming up."  WTF?  Obviously he hasn't seen "Rocky 5."  "Friggin doc!  I have a growth on my brain.  It's from getting hit in the head a lot."  Anthony tried to explain.

"I can hardly tell."

"You're funny!  What's your name?"  Anthony asked.

"It's Joey."

"JOEY !!!"  He exclaimed.  "Are you from the East Coast too?"

"I actually am from Southern California.  I'm a minority."  I hesitated to tell him.

"Wait 'til my brothers Bobby and Vinny find out you're name is Joey.  JO-EYYYY!"  My name now had become his mantra.

I left Anthony to nurse his Long Island.  While I was attending to my other tables, I heard from across the restaurant, "YO!  JO-EEEEEYYYY!"  I turned towards the sound, and sure enough, it was Anthony.  Now it was getting even worse because my co-workers felt the need to give me a hard time.  "What's up with your friend?"  They jabbed.

I cautiously approached Anthony.  "You rang?"  A la Lurch.

"I was just practicing."  He added as he finished the rest of his drink.  Practicing for what?  In case he forgot my name?  "I'm hungry Joey."

"Why don't you order something while you wait for your brothers."

"Give me a Caesar.  But I want chicken.  Something with both."

"How about a Chicken Caesar?"

"That's it!  And another Long Island."  He muttered.  "I'll be back.  I need to get my brothers."

Then Anthony left.  I brought him his drink.  His Chicken Caesar was delivered.  Time passed.  The ice in his drink diluted the Long Island.  The chicken and the lettuce cooled and warmed to the same temperature, and still no Anthony.

I told my manager.  We asked the front desk staff if he was a hotel guest.  "No.  But we saw him wandering around the front of the hotel for awhile, and then he left."

Just like that, (POOF!), I had been bamboozled by Anthony, the fighter with a growth on his brain.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro





Labels:

Comments

Anonymous said…
Joey!!!You're the best Peaches!!!!
April 20, 2012 at 12:37 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You Got Yelp!!!

What better way to get through the work week than to pick on the people who's parents truly should have considered contraceptives before having sex, the people who write negative reviews on Yelp.com. As always, I have found someone who embodies the spirit of "douchebaggery."  Who alone, stands to make a mark on the world because he is THAT important.  (And by mark, I mean skid mark.) Scott B., from Beverly Hills, CA makes the list.  His review is short, direct, and abrupt, because he's "got places to go people!"  Here's what Scott had to say about one restaurant in Los Angeles: "If you have an unlimited amount of time and an equally unlimited amount of patience, than this place might be worth it."  It's nice to see that Scott was stepping out of his box to test himself on this theory. "If I ever indeed got serviced within the time frame I had to eat, I might chance the food again!"   Since Scott is obviously an alien, h
Post a Comment
Read more

Empty Restaurant Syndrome

When Charles Dickens wrote, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," he must have worked in a restaurant that used to be booming, but had come crashing to a halt.  Time cannot be crueler, than time standing still in an empty restaurant. I've noticed that restaurants have busy and slow seasons.  Yes, there are some restaurants that are busy 365 days a year.  Spago in Beverly Hills is one of those places.  But for the rest of us peons who couldn't get hired at one of the cash-cows, we work at places that suffer from great highs, and extreme lows.  When it gets close to tax time, my restaurant is slow.  When the holidays roll around, business picks up with parties and bosses acting like they care by paying for the company to have a 3-course meal. Right now I am in the midst of the slow season.  School just started.  Families are adjusting to their fall schedules.  Whatever!  This in turn has given me ample time to reflect on my life and how long I hav
Post a Comment
Read more

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a
31 comments
Read more