Skip to main content

You Got Yelped!!!


Now it's time again for one of my favorite things to do, call people out who enjoy writing long, ridiculous, and pointless dissertations on the website Yelp.  I've purposefully kept the names of the establishments out to protect the innocent, and to bring more attention to the colossal waste of time these people put into writing these reviews.  I've made my comments in bold italics.

This one goes out to Katie L. from Valley Glen, CA.  Katie writes:


Huge Disappointment! And I've been sick for the past 18 hrs since eating here....   (Hard to believe since food poisoning takes over 24 hours to start to make you sick.)  Had a TravelZoo voucher, which unfortunately did not make the meal any better...  The restaurant is located inside the beautiful (omitted) LA hotel. The design of the hotel is beautiful. The $8 valet fee WITH validation at (restaurant) ... not so beautiful.  It was 7:30pm on a Sunday night. The restaurant was dead.  (Why do people always have to comment on how busy or slow it is in the restaurant?  If you really want it to be busier, then invite more friends to come eat with you.  Or at least, rent some more friends.)  We were seated in a nice booth and were ready for a great meal. That never happened.  A bread basket was the first thing we received- it was delicious. Lots of different breads in there. I ate them all.  (Shocker!)


Appetizers- 
fried rock shrimp: some over friend, (I didn't know rock shrimp could have too many "friends.") some under fried, breading was overwhelming.
Crab Cake: average cake. Boooooooring.  (You should've ordered the crab cake that can sing and dance.  Not boring at all.)

Dinner-
WANTED to get Lamb Porterhouse... but they were all out. LAME.  (You should've asked your server to go and and hunt some lamb for you.  After all, you want the freshest.)
Short Ribs: meat was cooked nicely. Watercress was so boring. So so boring. (Again with not liking food that doesn't entertain you.)  Sweet potato pancakes were more like a breakfast item.  (I'm going out on a limb here and suspecting Katie is in the red on the BMI chart.)
Australian Wagyu Sirloin- what a waste of $50!! It was undercooked, over seasoned and just a big wallet buster.
Side- Truffle Mac and Cheese: EWWWWWWWWWWW! WAY TOO MUCH TRUFFLE OIL! We literally could not take more than 1 bite. Such a shame.  (Because Katie likes to finish her food.)
Dessert- Peanut Butter Bar w Salted Caramel Ice Cream: Ice Cream was a little too salted. Peanut Butter Bar was too sweet.
Also, the lighting in there is horrible. I felt like a 95 year old woman (I'm 26 w great eyes). I could not see a single thing I was eating and I actually got super tired and thought it was bedtime!  (or it could've been the food coma that Katie was going into.)
Our waters stayed empty for a lot of the time, our server's presence was barely known and we will never go back. Never.  



Well Katie, for someone who has picky standards for her food, I doubt that you would not ever return to this restaurant.  Since you mentioned that you used a "Travel Zoo" voucher, which gives you a substantial discount at restaurants, you obviously enjoy eating a lot but pay very little for the food you consume.  But look at it this way, since you've been sick for the past 18 hours since you last ate, think of all the food you will be consuming when you feel better.  Katie L. from Valley Glen, CA... YOU GOT YELPED!!!

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out.

10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU
"This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking around…

You Got Yelped!!!

As my quest to take down Yelp.com continues, I found another Yelper who continually pushes the boundaries of common decency, and deserves to be outed.  So here I go:

Meet Ben P.
Or, excuse me, Ben "Benitos" P.  (Whatever the hell that means!)  He seemed to have found his way into Beverly Hills and expected the red carpet to be rolled out for him because he thinks that he is somebody.  Actually, he claims to be a(n) "Iron Yelper America," as it says on his Yelp profile.  When in actuality, Ben is no more than one of the many disillusioned Yelpers who probably should've gotten his ass kicked a bit more on the playground when he was a kid.  (Again, I don't condone violence, but there is something to be said for somebody FINALLY learning their lesson.)

Wow I knew going in this place was not going to be good.

Right from the start?  How have you made this far in life, Ben?  That should've been the moment for you to turn around and leave.  And not just leave …

A Letter to Yelpers

Dear Yelpers:

You think you're smart.  Nope.  You think you're cool.  Wrong again.  You think this is the popularity that you have been yearning to have since high school.  (BUZZ!)  Incorrect.

It's time for you to take the energy that you put into your Yelping, and focus your attention on yourself.  Your "opinion" is not important.  The fact that your meal was ruined by the color of your server's apron, or the shape of the plates, or that they didn't give you anything for free on your birthday just means that you were not a planned pregnancy, and you should be grateful that you made it to full term.

Ouch!  That hurts, doesn't it?  Well, do you think that destroying someone's business is okay?  That demeaning your server or bartender makes you look like you know what you're talking about?  If your opinion REALLY mattered, (it doesn't,) then you should crawl out from your hiding space where you Yelp on your laptop, and talk to someone face-…