Skip to main content

My Vodka's not strong enough!


One of the fun things about many restaurants is that not only do they have a creative, seasonal, and fun food menu, many of them also have a drink menu to compliment the food menu. (I'm not talking about the Cheesecake Factory's drink menu! Too many choices. And the poor bartenders who have to learn all of those ridiculous recipes. (One word that you should NEVER associate with bartending is "RECIPES.")

One shift, I had a table of seven people who all ordered drinks.  Everybody ordered some sort of fluffy cocktail, while one girl ordered a Grey Goose Vodka martini. There are three ingredients in this martini: 1. Olives. 2. A glass. And, 3. Vodka. There is very little of the first two, and a lot of number 3. So basically the whole drink is Vodka. Perfect for any lush who thinks that she is still attractive, even though her attractive ship sailed ten years ago. After the first drink, she waves me over... "I love this martini, but I don't feel buzzed, and I would usually would feel a little fuzzy by now. It doesn't take a lot to get me drunk." She raved.

I politely explained, "The only way to make your vodka martini any stronger, would be to use a bigger glass." (And seriously, who doesn't want their drink served in a cauldron?)  She didn't take the hint.

"Well, can you ask the bartender if they could make the martini a bit stronger?  It's the least you could do."

"Of course.  I'll ask him that."  I, actually, was making my own drinks this night.

CUT TO:  20 minutes later...

The "not-drunk-girl" waves me over.  "Where's my drink?"

"I talked to the bartender.  He said he could try to make your vodka martini a bit stronger.  So would you like me to order another one for you?"

"I ALREADY order another one from you.  Get me that drink!"  She barked.  (I say barked because I believe that is her first language.)

"Of course.  It was my miscommunication."  I love this game.  It's the closest thing I can get to punching a customer in the throat.

I go back to the bar, make her martini the exact same way, except... I switched the proportions between vodka and vermouth.  It' the equivalent of putting Visine in someones drink.  Without the side effects of explosive diarrhea.  So now it's a vermouth martini, disguised as a vodka one.

"Here's your stronger "vodka" martini.  Can I get anybody anything else?"  The rest of her friends now finally see the truth about their friend, and apologize and thank me.  Knowing they are going to unfriend his troll after the dinner.

She takes a few sips.  "Wow!  That's a strong vodka martini."

"That it is."  (WINK!)

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out.

10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU
"This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking around…

A Letter to Yelpers

Dear Yelpers:

You think you're smart.  Nope.  You think you're cool.  Wrong again.  You think this is the popularity that you have been yearning to have since high school.  (BUZZ!)  Incorrect.

It's time for you to take the energy that you put into your Yelping, and focus your attention on yourself.  Your "opinion" is not important.  The fact that your meal was ruined by the color of your server's apron, or the shape of the plates, or that they didn't give you anything for free on your birthday just means that you were not a planned pregnancy, and you should be grateful that you made it to full term.

Ouch!  That hurts, doesn't it?  Well, do you think that destroying someone's business is okay?  That demeaning your server or bartender makes you look like you know what you're talking about?  If your opinion REALLY mattered, (it doesn't,) then you should crawl out from your hiding space where you Yelp on your laptop, and talk to someone face-…

Cover My Shift!!!

The anxiety of trying to get your shift covered at a serving job ranks up there with wondering if the pee stick is going to turn positive or negative after a long night of having shots with your coworkers, and you ended up hooking up with one of them.  Eventually, the pregnancy scare turns out to be negative, you get your shift covered, and everything is right with the world.

But trying to get your shift covered is never easy.  Especially when you feel like you go out of your way to cover other people's shifts when they ask, but when the time comes for you to ask them, it becomes an entire ordeal.

"Hey Steve, would you be able to cover my shift next Wednesday night?  My parents are going to be in town," I asked last Saturday night.

"I might be able to, but I won't know until Tuesday.  Can I get back to you then?" Steve replied.

"That's cutting it close," I said.  "Would you be able to tell me by Monday?"

"I can't cause I h…