Saturday, September 11, 2010

Splitting Visas... Counting Cash



The biggest scam going around restaurants these days are from the tables that want their check split 9 1/2 different ways. You know who you are. You're at a big table, (that the restaurant had to put together three small tables, to make your big table,) with 10 of your closest friends. Everything was perfect the entire night, then you get the check. Now nobody's close. And of course the comment that always follows, "This was the worst service, ever!"

Nobody wants to pay the check. Because you can't remember what you ate or drank, and you expect the server to keep track of everyone's consumption. (Sweet! All servers have the time to monitor the calorie intake at the table.) So the check gets passed around like a new born baby, but when you see how ugly it is, you make a face, put your payment inside and quickly get it to the next person without having the memory of it burned into your frontal lobes.

Thank God for the friend who also works as a volunteer accountant. This person is always a girl. They are the ones who make sure everybody puts in, and they always speak for the group when explaining the breakdown of the cash, credit cards, and promissory notes. Our country is a trillion dollars in debt, and this woman can decipher the exact amount for each bite taken by each person at the table. This is fantastic, but there is usually one problem, YOU ALWAYS COME UP SHORT!!! And not by a few dollars, more like 75 bucks. So now, when the server has to go back to the table and explain the lack of money for the bill, somehow it has become their fault, and one of your friends has to put in more than they should have, and when everyone leaves and the server finally has the time to close everything out, the person who is shorted at the end is none other than, the server. Of all the money that was thrown in for the bill, you didn't throw in enough for a tip.

Lesson learned: Friends don't let friends count cash and credit cards and not leave a tip.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter, party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

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