Watch the Third Base Coach

Who can forget the scene from "Fletch," when Mr. Underhill gives the server a hard time for taking his plate too soon.

Mr. Underhill: "Does it look like I'm finished?"
Waiter: "I guess not."
Mr. Underhill: "Now, I'm finished."
Waiter: "Whatever you say, Mr. Underhill."
Mr. Underhill: "I imagine you're expecting a nice gratuity, right? Maybe next time!"

Customers have no idea when they are finished eating. Utensils crossing the plate; plates pushed away and arms folded. Even stacking plates on top of eachother, but yet, I go to clear the table and it's,

"I'M NOT DONE! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!?"

We need to hire a Third Base Coach for restaurants, so they can signal the servers as to when the customer is done eating, so we can clear the table safely. There have been many occasions when I was snapped at by a customer, and I thought that I was going to be missing some fingers.

I get it. In a down economy, you want to eat your money's worth. Even if that money's worth is a single leaf of lettuce, lump of potato, or gristle of fat, customers are fighting fork and knife for their right to finish their food.

I've seen customers, who are chromosomes away from Honey Boo Boo's family tree, practically licking their plates as indication that they are finished. "Them's was some good eats."

Perhaps it's best to go over some simple guidelines to help these people out.

PLACE your knife and fork in the middle of your plate at the 12 o'clock or 4 o'clock position.
PLACE your napkin to the left side of your plate.

DO NOT criss-cross your fork and knife across your plate. Unless you are practicing learning the alphabet.
DO NOT leave your crumpled napkin on top of your plate. Unless you've just ended a dramatic-in-your-face-yelling break-up with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, then by all means, do that! And add, "I'M OUTTA HERE!" Then storm off.

Simple?

And a bit of news, The Bitter Bistro will soon be a live podcast. So any servers, bartenders, or anybody in the industry, please email/message/ or smoke signal me to be a panelist on the show to share your most horrific, or unbelievable customer experiences.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Comments

Excuse Tips

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Breast Milk Macchiato

There are too many choices for milk nowadays. Organic. Almond. Breast? Soon "breast milk" will be the new craze everywhere, and people will be ordering it for their Lattes thanks to the constant problem of breast feeding in restaurants. The policia teta have been called upon again to smack the cuffs on the latest perpetrators of breast feeders in restaurants. This isn't the first, nor will it be the last time. But to celebrate my 100th Bitter Bistro post, what better way to celebrate then to debate the issues of breast feeding in restaurants. I am going to say that I am "pro boob," but I am against them being out to feed your child while you are dining in a restaurant. I get it. It's natural, it's best for your child, but most people go out to a restaurant for a good time, and your breast-feeding is not included in the price of an entree. "Waiter! Can you do something about this? That woman's breast is exposed and I'm try

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant. Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10. SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round. This table's too brown. This table's just right." You are not buying real estate. So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous. The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses. And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a

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