Skip to main content

Watch the Third Base Coach


Who can forget the scene from "Fletch," when Mr. Underhill gives the server a hard time for taking his plate too soon.

Mr. Underhill:  "Does it look like I'm finished?"
Waiter:  "I guess not."
Mr. Underhill:  "Now, I'm finished."
Waiter:  "Whatever you say, Mr. Underhill."
Mr. Underhill:  "I imagine you're expecting a nice gratuity, right?  Maybe next time!"

Customers have no idea when they are finished eating.  Utensils crossing the plate;  plates pushed away and arms folded.  Even stacking plates on top of eachother, but yet, I go to clear the table and it's,

"I'M NOT DONE!  CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!?"

We need to hire a Third Base Coach for restaurants, so they can signal the servers as to when the customer is done eating, so we can clear the table safely.  There have been many occasions when I was snapped at by a customer, and I thought that I was going to be missing some fingers.

I get it.  In a down economy, you want to eat your money's worth.  Even if that money's worth is a single leaf of lettuce, lump of potato, or gristle of fat, customers are fighting fork and knife for their right to finish their food.

I've seen customers, who are chromosomes away from Honey Boo Boo's family tree, practically licking their plates as indication that they are finished.  "Them's was some good eats."

Perhaps it's best to go over some simple guidelines to help these people out.


  • PLACE your knife and fork in the middle of your plate at the 12 o'clock or 4 o'clock position.
  • PLACE your napkin to the left side of your plate.

  • DO NOT criss-cross your fork and knife across your plate.  Unless you are practicing learning the alphabet.
  • DO NOT leave your crumpled napkin on top of your plate.  Unless you've just ended a dramatic-in-your-face-yelling break-up with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, then by all means, do that!  And add, "I'M OUTTA HERE!"  Then storm off.


Simple?

And a bit of news, The Bitter Bistro will soon be a live podcast.  So any servers, bartenders, or anybody in the industry, please email/message/ or smoke signal me to be a panelist on the show to share your most horrific, or unbelievable customer experiences.

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of one?  Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

You Got Yelp!!!

What better way to get through the work week than to pick on the people who's parents truly should have considered contraceptives before having sex, the people who write negative reviews on Yelp.com. As always, I have found someone who embodies the spirit of "douchebaggery."  Who alone, stands to make a mark on the world because he is THAT important.  (And by mark, I mean skid mark.) Scott B., from Beverly Hills, CA makes the list.  His review is short, direct, and abrupt, because he's "got places to go people!"  Here's what Scott had to say about one restaurant in Los Angeles: "If you have an unlimited amount of time and an equally unlimited amount of patience, than this place might be worth it."  It's nice to see that Scott was stepping out of his box to test himself on this theory. "If I ever indeed got serviced within the time frame I had to eat, I might chance the food again!"   Since Scott is obviously an alien, h
Post a Comment
Read more

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done.  Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money.  WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian.  But I adore this building.  So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com .  One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers.  And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent?  So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet.  And so on, and so on...  Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out.  There are ways t
89 comments
Read more

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a
31 comments
Read more