A little PDA goes a long, long, way...

Many of you have asked me to blog more often about the things that people do in restaurants and bars. I try to write about what happens as much as I can, but sometimes, I am so shocked about some of the things that I see and hear, it takes awhile for me to digest it all, and transcribe it to you. Now that I've finished digesting, here you go...

I've noticed in many fine dining establishments, that to cleanse the palate in-between courses, they will bring you a scoop of sorbet. It's refreshing and gets your taste buds ready for the next course. Here in Los Angeles, some customers have a better way of cleansing their palates... by jamming their tongues down the throats of their dinner guests. And why not? Don't birds do the same thing? One evening, I had a table of three people, one guy and two girls, who were eating on the patio at the restaurant I was working. To say they were having a good time is an understatement. I went out to check on them, and the guy was making out with one of the girls with the other girl sitting behind them eating. Then they stopped making out to eat some more of their meal. I figured the food most be fine, and their water glasses were full, so they didn't need me to hang around the table staring at them. So I went to the side-station to stare at them from there. After they ate some more, the guy then turned to the other girl and started making out with her. I think this is what athletes call carb loading. Needless to say, this cycle continued on until the meal was complete. A compliment to the chef... perhaps.

This would now be the time that I would offer them a dessert menu, but I figured they wanted something that wasn't on our menu. And lucky for the three of them, we were at a hotel, so they could get a room. Which is what I told them when I presented the check. And who knows, maybe the were European? Like Clark W. Griswold said, "European standards are very different from Americans."

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter. Party of one? Your table is ready."

The Bitter Bistro

Comments

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done. Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money. WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian. But I adore this building. So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com . One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers. And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent? So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet. And so on, and so on... Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out. T...

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant. Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10. SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round. This table's too brown. This table's just right." You are not buying real estate. So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous. The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses. And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a...

I'll Show You How to Wait!!!

Customers love being waited on hand and foot. But there are some customers who love to tell me HOW to wait on them hand and foot. I call these customers "waiter watchers." They weigh their waiter down with all of the crap that they tell them they should be doing, and when they should be doing it. One time I was serving a table of five, and everybody had order an appetizer and an entree. But one person in the party had ordered a salad in addition to his appetizer. I asked him when he wanted to have his salad served, and he told me to bring it before everyone got their appetizer. So that's what I did. Next thing I know, I'm getting pulled aside by the guy who is host of the group. "Why did you only bring out the salad and nobody else's food?" He demanded. "Your friend had asked that I bring his salad first so he could get it out of the way, since he ordered more food than everybody else," I pleaded. "You should bring all ...

The Bitter Bistro

Search This Blog