The 1980's gave us such great things like MTV, the Apple IIE, and the saying..."the customer is always right." With that being said, here is a list of some of my favorite customer quotes from my career in the service industry. Of course, I will be adding some comments to justify why they said what they said, but the list will be as true today as when they said it to me the first time. Feel free to comment and add some of your own favorites as well. Without further delay...
"Are you our server?"
--No. I a regular customer just like you. Except I enjoy wearing all black with a black apron and hanging around your table for the past 45 minutes.
"We thought you forgot about us."
--Trust me. If ever a time when I'd want short-term memory loss, it would be to forgot that you were sitting in my section.
"Can I get a new water? There's something gross in mine."
--(An ACTUAL porn star said this to me) More things have gone in and out of you than the Lincoln Tunnel. Your body can tolerate some "gross water."
"Are you sure this coffee is decaf? If I'm up at three in the morning, I'm coming after you."
--(blank stare)
"Is the vegetarian pasta, vegetarian?"
--Did you forget to wear your helmet today?
"What are these bubbles in my coffee?"
--That's what happens when you pour coffee into a cup.
"We didn't know we drank THAT much, so we're not going to pay for half the bill."
--Apparently I work at the 'pay what you can' restaurant.
(Customer) "I'll have the 42." (Me) "That's the price."
--Apparently I work at a Chinese restaurant.
"I know the chef."
--So does everyone else who owns a television.
"I sit there all the time."
--You still can, you'll just have to sit on that woman's lap who's ALREADY sitting there.
"They let me order it before."
--That was so you would stop talking about how bad your life is because you can't get what you want.
"My wife doesn't like eggs for breakfast, but she enjoys eating fruit. What should she have?"
--How about the fruit plate?
"This table's too close to the kitchen" (After moving) "This table's too far from the kitchen."
--You're not buying real-estate!
"I want the chef to make me this dish that I had at this other restaurant."
--Sure. Just go to that restaurant, get the recipe, and stay there.
"So, are you an actor too? Have I seen you on anything?"
--Right now you can see me acting like I'm happy you're here.
"Is our food ready yet?"
--When it's in front of you, it's ready.
"I'm allergic to the following... (laundry list of items) ...what do you recommend?"
--I recommend the water.
(These two ladies got drunk, and left the restaurant and sat in the lounge. I finally found them) "We were looking for you."
--You could have found me back at your table. Where you ate your food.
"Can you do something about the hot light?"
--(Woman was sitting outside, motioning towards the sky) The Sun? Of course. I'll get a busboy to move it for you.
Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.
"Bitter, party of one? Your table is ready."
The Bitter Bistro
"Are you our server?"
--No. I a regular customer just like you. Except I enjoy wearing all black with a black apron and hanging around your table for the past 45 minutes.
"We thought you forgot about us."
--Trust me. If ever a time when I'd want short-term memory loss, it would be to forgot that you were sitting in my section.
"Can I get a new water? There's something gross in mine."
--(An ACTUAL porn star said this to me) More things have gone in and out of you than the Lincoln Tunnel. Your body can tolerate some "gross water."
"Are you sure this coffee is decaf? If I'm up at three in the morning, I'm coming after you."
--(blank stare)
"Is the vegetarian pasta, vegetarian?"
--Did you forget to wear your helmet today?
"What are these bubbles in my coffee?"
--That's what happens when you pour coffee into a cup.
"We didn't know we drank THAT much, so we're not going to pay for half the bill."
--Apparently I work at the 'pay what you can' restaurant.
(Customer) "I'll have the 42." (Me) "That's the price."
--Apparently I work at a Chinese restaurant.
"I know the chef."
--So does everyone else who owns a television.
"I sit there all the time."
--You still can, you'll just have to sit on that woman's lap who's ALREADY sitting there.
"They let me order it before."
--That was so you would stop talking about how bad your life is because you can't get what you want.
"My wife doesn't like eggs for breakfast, but she enjoys eating fruit. What should she have?"
--How about the fruit plate?
"This table's too close to the kitchen" (After moving) "This table's too far from the kitchen."
--You're not buying real-estate!
"I want the chef to make me this dish that I had at this other restaurant."
--Sure. Just go to that restaurant, get the recipe, and stay there.
"So, are you an actor too? Have I seen you on anything?"
--Right now you can see me acting like I'm happy you're here.
"Is our food ready yet?"
--When it's in front of you, it's ready.
"I'm allergic to the following... (laundry list of items) ...what do you recommend?"
--I recommend the water.
(These two ladies got drunk, and left the restaurant and sat in the lounge. I finally found them) "We were looking for you."
--You could have found me back at your table. Where you ate your food.
"Can you do something about the hot light?"
--(Woman was sitting outside, motioning towards the sky) The Sun? Of course. I'll get a busboy to move it for you.
Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.
"Bitter, party of one? Your table is ready."
The Bitter Bistro
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