Skip to main content

You gotta fight. For your right. Assault and B a t t e r y !!!

(I do not condone violent behavior, nor do I encourage it.)

With that disclaimer... Have you ever have those fantasies where you beat up your boss at work? Or a customer leaves you some change for a tip off of a check for over a 100 dollars, and you walk up to them and throw it in their face?

Welcome one and all to the world of the service industry. Just the other week, I had one of "those experiences" with a guest. This said guest was staying in the most expensive room of the hotel. The Presidential Suite at $1500.00 a night. She was sat in my section and I was told it would be a four top. (Four people in her party.) She didn't want to see any menus. She simply told my manager to send out a three course meal and a couple of bottles of wine. She finally was sat. I greeted her and quickly assessed that she would be "high maintenance." Not a big deal, if handled correctly.

If there were ever a training video on how a guest/server relationship can go wrong, this would be the template. There were too many plates on the table. Not enough silverware. (Apparently you need a new fork and knife in between every bite.) The candle's too bright. The wine's too cold. The food's too hot. Apparently I was serving "Goldilocks." Get more cocktails before more wine. Don't open that wine until the last two bites of appetizers are left. This woman was like a bad GPS. North was South. East was West. But she had no idea where the hell she was going. Just as long as the GPS voice pointed her towards the direction of food and booze, this broad was in.

At this point you got to be saying, "Why did you put up with all of this?" It was hard, trust me. All of this going on AND I had other tables in my section that I basically had forgotten about. I kept going with it because it reminded me of the girl fights in high school. I couldn't believe this was happening, and I was anxious to see how it would end.

Here's how it ended. Can someone say assault and battery? Between all the confusion and clouded thinking with this woman, she managed to stack up the dirty plates on her table. In between demanding that I remove them and ordering me to get two more bottle of wine, she arm-barred me across my chest and pushed me away saying, "go get the wine. Now!" Being the professional that I am, I calmly said, "Get your fucking hands off me." I turned and walked away. Told my manager to gratuity the table, that I wasn't going to wait on this bag any longer, and that I was getting the tip. And my manager complied.

Lesson learned: "Don't walk where you're not supposed to walk because there might not be someone with super human strength to save your little ass." Okay, no. But I love that line from "City Slickers."

Until next time,

Bartenders and Servers don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter? Party of 1. Your table is ready."
www.thebitterbistro.com

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Empty Restaurant Syndrome

When Charles Dickens wrote, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," he must have worked in a restaurant that used to be booming, but had come crashing to a halt.  Time cannot be crueler, than time standing still in an empty restaurant. I've noticed that restaurants have busy and slow seasons.  Yes, there are some restaurants that are busy 365 days a year.  Spago in Beverly Hills is one of those places.  But for the rest of us peons who couldn't get hired at one of the cash-cows, we work at places that suffer from great highs, and extreme lows.  When it gets close to tax time, my restaurant is slow.  When the holidays roll around, business picks up with parties and bosses acting like they care by paying for the company to have a 3-course meal. Right now I am in the midst of the slow season.  School just started.  Families are adjusting to their fall schedules.  Whatever!  This in turn has given me ample time to reflect on my life and how long I hav

You Got Yelp!!!

What better way to get through the work week than to pick on the people who's parents truly should have considered contraceptives before having sex, the people who write negative reviews on Yelp.com. As always, I have found someone who embodies the spirit of "douchebaggery."  Who alone, stands to make a mark on the world because he is THAT important.  (And by mark, I mean skid mark.) Scott B., from Beverly Hills, CA makes the list.  His review is short, direct, and abrupt, because he's "got places to go people!"  Here's what Scott had to say about one restaurant in Los Angeles: "If you have an unlimited amount of time and an equally unlimited amount of patience, than this place might be worth it."  It's nice to see that Scott was stepping out of his box to test himself on this theory. "If I ever indeed got serviced within the time frame I had to eat, I might chance the food again!"   Since Scott is obviously an alien, h

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a