Skip to main content

5 Tips For Surviving Office Holiday Parties

It's the most wonderful time of the year... to get drunk at your office holiday party and make a complete fuck of yourself.  But before you give the waitstaff things to talk about for weeks, let me help you out and give you a few tips of my own before you put on that red and green holiday dress, or Christmas Tree tie.  My advice when hopefully allow you to have a good time, make it home safely, and still be employed.

NUMBER 5:  DON'T ASK YOUR BARTENDER TO POUR EXTRA ALCOHOL 
Whether or not it's a hosted or cash bar, don't tell the bartender to put a little more in your drink.  We get it, you're a lush.  Either that or you have never been out to a place that serves alcohol, but the bar will not be going anywhere.  Meaning, that after you finish one drink, you can go back and get another, like a person who doesn't have a closet drinking problem.  Anybody who asks for more booze in their cocktail has just become a target for ridicule amongst the service staff.  Save your breath for the meaningless conversation you are going to have with the coworkers that you probably don't like.  And while you're at it, tip well for the first drink.  First impressions are everything and I will remember you, at the back of the line, if you tip me nicely after your first drink!

NUMBER 4:  THE PARTY IS NOT AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU TO ASK YOUR BOSS WHY HE/SHE DIDN'T LIKE YOUR PRESENTATION.
There are other things to talk about besides work.  This is a good place to practice that.  Kind of like how you shouldn't talk about religion or politics on a first date, the same applies here.  This is an important one to remember early on because, as the night goes on, and everybody gets hammered, it will be good to know that you haven't said anything to your boss that will revoke your invitation to next year's party.  Just ask the guy I saw the other night who, in front of me, asked his boss what happened with his raise mid-bite of his croquette.

NUMBER 3:  UBER UBER UBER
Save yourself some time and grief and Uber, Lift, Cab, Unicorn, or Rickshaw your way to and from the party.  How are you going to make it back to work if you are stuck in the drunk-tank?

NUMBER 2:  THE PARTY IS NOT A GOOD PLACE TO TELL YOUR COWORKER THAT YOU HAVE A THING FOR THEM.
Office hookups are probably going to happen, but remember, they usually end up getting broken up by security, the boss's wife or husband, or the cleaning crew to tell you that the party ended three hours ago, and the two of you passed out on top of each other in the utility closet.  Keep it classy and take it out to the local Holiday Inn Express.

NUMBER 1:  TIP YOUR BARTENDER
You are not paying for the party, and since it's a "holiday" party, show some love and throw down some cash on the bar.  We are trying to make your party as jolly as possible, and nothing says "Ho Ho Ho" more than some 10's and 20's in the tip jar.  Just like you got that end-of-the-year-bonus at the office, getting extra cash during the holidays is our bonus in the service industry.

HAPPY HOLIDAY PARTYING!!!

Until next time... Server's don't pay their rent with compliments.

"Bitter.  Party of 1?  Your table is ready."



ITUNES
STITCHER
TWITTER
FACEBOOK
INSTAGRAM
IT DOESN'T GET ANY BITTER THAN THIS!

Comments

Anonymous said…
nice
February 22, 2021 at 3:59 AM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Excuse Tips

It's ideal for a server to receive 18 to 20 percent gratuity for a job well done.  Now it seems that customers are looking to leave an excuse rather than a monetary tip explaining why they couldn't leave their server any money.  WTF?!! Of course, because my landlord would love to receive an excuse instead of a check for rent this month. "I don't have the money for rent, because I'm a writer/comedian.  But I adore this building.  So secure." The above picture was found on Yahoo.com .  One of the comments said that they thought this was an altered pic, but I have actually seen this happen to myself and co-workers.  And by-the-way, what if the server waiting on the woman was a single parent?  So the lady who wrote this has now started a domino effect on their server who is struggling to make ends meet.  And so on, and so on...  Get bent! I don't believe in saying that if you can't afford to go out, that you should never go out.  There are ways t
89 comments
Read more

10 Ways To Get Better Service At A Restaurant

I have noticed that there are many variables that can lead to a bad dining experience, and for the customer to say that they received "poor service" has become cliche, and just the "go to" for when all things go bad in a restaurant.  Here is a Top 10 list to help customers have a positive experience the next time they dine out. 10.  SIT AT THE FIRST TABLE THE HOST GIVES YOU "This table's too round.  This table's too brown.  This table's just right."  You are not buying real estate.  So for you to pass on the first, then the second, and even the third table option the host gives you is beyond ridiculous.  The tables are all made the same, have four legs, four chairs, (if applicable,) and are strong enough to hold food, drinks, and purses.  And if you pass on a table, now you've messed up the floor plan that the host has prepared at the beginning of their shift, and everybody in the restaurant takes notice as you are aimlessly walking a
31 comments
Read more

The Bitter Bistro Throughout the Last Decade--Year 2012

The past decade brought me such wonderful things like, customers who have peed on lounge floors, customers who have yelled at me from across the restaurant because they wanted to know if "anybody worked here," and customers who seem to think that purchasing an item entitles them to stay well-passed closing. That last one is a bitch!  Because closing time has always been a sensitive subject for people who work in the service industry.  Why?  Because we want to go f@*king home!  I'm all for you having a good time and enjoying your dining experience, but when it's time to close, GTFO! It's been an on-going problem throughout the past decade.  This was my post from 2012 . I now finally understand where the inspiration came from Semisonic's song, "Closing Time."  They HAD  to have worked in the service industry!   Because where else do people feel compelled to continue to hang out and try to order more things than a restaurant that is ALREADY c
Post a Comment
Read more